


Under Her Wing

by The_Saint



Category: Freakytits - Fandom, Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-23 01:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7461240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Saint/pseuds/The_Saint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vera has been distracted. Vera thought she had been careful until Joan inadvertently stumbles across her little mouse's secret</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Massive thanks goes out to inexprymabe for the idea that was posted on Twitter which then sorta escalated.

 

 

“Right mum,” she paused at her mother’s closed bedroom door, “I’m heading out to work now.”

The door practically flew open and off its hinges as Rita stood in her full length, cotton flannelette nightgown. Her beady eyes narrowed as she carefully inspected her daughter’s prison uniform, “Will you be coming straight home tonight or will I just simply _not_ bother to make you dinner?”

Vera gasped, “ _Mum,_ ” she complained, her mother never did understand that her work was not as simple as clocking in, working nine til five then clocking back out, circumstances could change in a split second or overtime was on offer, either way it meant Vera could spend more time out of the house and far away from her overbearing mother.

“I told you already...there was an incident at work...I-I couldn’t just leave.”

Rita snorted, “A perfectly good meal...ruined... _again._ ”

Vera sighed, it was pointless to even attempt to argue especially since her mother had already made up her mind and it would be virtually impossible to change it. She collected her clear bag and car keys from the table.

“How about you just make dinner for yourself?” suggested Vera remaining diplomatic

Rita’s head snapped to attention, “Why, where are you going? It’s a school night, you know.”

Overprotective and domineering, Vera resigned herself to the fact that she would _never_ have a personal life or any friends. Her only solace was her work, quite pathetic if she were to dwell on the thought for any length of time, “We’re short staffed at the moment, so I might be needed.”

Rita sneered, “Better there than here...getting in my way. Well, don’t dawdle or you’ll be late.”

 

* * *

 

Vera drove for several miles with the radio blaring, the window down and for a brief moment she was completely carefree, no responsibilities and did not need to answer to anyone. Her mother was totally unaware that her daughter had left the house earlier than usual which gave Vera plenty of time....

She parked her car in an empty supermarket car park where anyone passing would assume that the driver had to take an important phone call or was busy checking their mobile phone before setting off on their commute again.

Vera unlocked her mobile phone and immediately checked her emails, one new message.

_‘Order has been dispatched.’_

She swallowed at the words she read, before reluctantly easing herself back into the leather seat, it was too late to turn back now; the ball had already been set into motion.

Vera was about to continue on her journey into work however she caught sight of the time and switched the car engine off. Nervously, she glanced around the car to make sure that she was completely alone, paranoid that she would be caught by a passer-by, although Vera had developed a sixth sense when it came to her mother or possibly the forty plus years of sharing a house that she was able to anticipate and predict her mother’s behaviour, mood and routine down to the second.

On her mobile phone, several tabs were already opened which meant she had quick access but this served a dual purpose as her favourite links. She glanced over her shoulder then in the rear view mirror to be certain that she was alone and clicked on the first page.

_‘The female orgasm’_

Vera continued her reading and quickly, from last night and after a few minutes found herself anxiously tugging at her crisp white shirt collar. She reached over and fumbled with the settings of the air conditioning, a sudden blast of cool air was a relief as she continued to read over basic anatomy, the descriptions of what an orgasm was with the associated bodily functions and feelings.

_‘The art of self pleasure’_

Vera swallowed, she was absolutely naive but her curiosity pushed her to obsessively pour over various articles both online and read the out of date magazines that littered the staff-room. She found it partially embarrassing but also intriguing to watch online videos while she slowly and reluctantly began to explore her own body, concentrating on the sensations created by her own hand and listening to her body’s wants and desires.

_‘Masturbation liberation’_

The Deputy Governor still lived with her mother, alone without _any_ prospects of finding someone, she truly was pathetic!

 

Vera began to take matters into her own hands, so to speak although she had to remain constantly vigilant should her mother barge into her bedroom and the mere thought of her mother catching her in a compromising position was beyond shameful and she could only imagine the verbal onslaught she would receive from the oppressive woman. Vera was thankful that her mother remained a stubborn, technophobe which meant Rita would not dare tamper with her daughter's mobile phone despite her own curiosity as she did notice that Vera was spending an abnormal amount of time, clutching the device and the white glow of the screen reflected against her daughter's face.  

The information available was overwhelming for her in the beginning but she learnt to pace herself and did not want to inadvertently traumatise herself as the internet _did_ have a dark underbelly. Vera had made shorthanded notes which she kept saved in a blank email in the drafts folder which ranged from techniques and methods to lubrication and toys that she had read about.

_Toys?_

Toys were a completely new level and tentatively she eased herself into reading about the most common ‘toys’ and how to use the simplest ones.

Vera had been lucky on two separate occasions as her mother had departed to attend the women’s bridge club. Vera listened as the front door closed and patiently waited for what was a reasonable amount of time, she raced to lock the front door and climbed the stairs, two at a time and sealed herself in her bedroom with the glow of her mobile phone providing illumination as she continued with her ‘research’ whilst a hand decent towards the elastic waist of her underwear.

 

* * *

 “Oh fuck!” cursed Vera as she glanced at the time, she had been entranced with her reading that time had escaped her and now she potentially ran the risk of being late which, with her immaculate record would raise some sarcastic comments and witty jokes from her colleagues.

 

“Apologies, Ms Ferguson.” Breathed Vera adjusting the radio onto her utility belt

“No, need....although I must say that this _is_ a first for you.” She gently teased, sensing her Deputy's harassment for being late

Vera placed her hands onto her hips and attempted to make herself taller but in the presence of the towering Governor, she failed miserably, “First and _last..._ now if you’ll excuse me.”

Joan watched as Vera, her faithful Deputy left abruptly without being dismissed and disappeared around the corner. Bless, the doe eyed deputy was like an open book, something or someone had managed to get under her skin and unnerve the timid woman.

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, the staff-room was deserted and judging by the mess of the small kitchen area, her fellow colleagues already had their lunch break which meant Vera should, s _hould_ be uninterrupted for the duration of her break.

Instead of piercing the plastic film cover of her microwavable meal, she opted to skip lunch and sat practically curled in the corner of the staff-room with her mobile phone held up close to her face as she continued to read.

Vera was hypnotised by the literature contents on the screen of her mobile phone that she failed to notice that she was no longer alone in the staff-room. A coy smile graced her pinkened face while minuscule droplets of perspiration formed across her tight hairline.

“Ms Bennett.” announced the authoritative voice that broke Vera’s concentration and almost caused her to drop her mobile phone; she clutched onto her worldly possession to her chest and concealed the contents from being revealed to anyone else’s eyes, other than her own.

“Y-yes...Oh! Governor...” stuttered Vera as she straightened her uniform and locked the phone before hurriedly tucking it back into her locker

Joan regarded the smaller woman, observing her appearance and how she moved, “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything?”

Vera frowned before realising what Joan; her superior was referring to, “O-Oh No! I-I was j-just...emm...reading, doing some research...of a personal nature."

“Well, I must say that I commend your thoroughness, you appeared utterly captivated...something exciting, I presume?” pushed Joan

Vera became flustered and paranoid to the point, she thought Joan _knew_ her dirty little secret, “I-It’s just...you know, this and that,” said brushed off, “it’s still early...well, I better get...”

Joan held up her hand and halted Vera, “Vera,” she started, glancing over her shoulder, “I had hoped to have caught you earlier...suffice to say that you _were_ late.”

“And it will _not_ happen again.” Interrupted Vera

“I _had_ hoped that you’d join me for drinks. A de-brief, of sorts, for want for a better choice of words.”

“Oh! I-I...well, I’m expected back home...and I’ve...I’m expecting an important...a delivery...”

Joan leaned closer on the edge of invading Vera’s personal space, “I’m sure that this...rather 'important'...whatever it is, could be delayed, slightly. Stop by my office after your shift, I have wine...or vodka if you’d prefer?”

 

* * *

 

“Hey Fletch.” Smiled Vera friendly as she approched the front desk

He offered her a lopsided smile, “Vera...what brings you down here?”

Her jaws clenched tightly and she could feel the familiar prickling embarrassing heat travel up her neck, uncharacteristically her fidgeted with her shirt collar that seemed to be digging uncomfortably into her neck.

“I’m waiting on a parcel...just checking to see if it’s been delivered yet?” she replied attempting to sound as casual as possible

“Two secs...I’ll check for ya.” Smiled Fletch and winked at her

 _‘Oh lord!’_ thought Vera as she swallowed and averted her eyes to anything but Fletch

“Sorry, Vera...there’s nothing here to say otherwise.”

Vera frowned as her mind raced with disappointment and was contemplating writing a strongly written email of complaint.

“Hope it wasn’t anything private.” Said Fletch disturbing Vera from her thoughts

“No,” she snipped, “Why?”

“Any deliveries for staff now _has_ to be processed...but you knew that already with the new policy and all that,” he replied, “A few bent screws were trafficking drugs for inmates and a disgruntled inmate orchestrated a nasty ‘surprise’...rumour has it, it blew his face off.”

“That’s terrible! I-I wasn’t aware of the change in policy...umm, thanks Fletch.”

Fletch looked perplexed at Vera, “Wait! Hold on...you _didn’t_ know about this change in policy?” he smirked jokingly, “And I think I just saw a pig flying past the window.”

Vera straightened her posture, “A small...very _small_ oversight on my part.”

“Hey!” Fletch protested and held up his hands, “I was just teasing.”

 

* * *

 

“Come in.” Answered Joan smiling at Vera entered her office, “I’ll only be a few more minutes, take a seat and please make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you Governor.” She murmured halfheartedly

Joan instantly detected upon Vera’s sullen mood, she neatly filed the documents and placed them in the top desk drawer, “What can I tempt you with?”

Vera shook her head, “Pardon?”

“A drink Vera, what would you like to drink?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “You said you have wine earlier...a _large_ glass please.”

“My, my, Vera! Has it been that kind of shift?” asked Joan as she retrieved a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon with two glasses

“Not particularly.” She grumbled in response

“You need a good stiff drink...and to unwind...well, if you tell me your woes then I’ll tell you mine.”

 

* * *

 

  

“Governor...I-I mean Joan...for the umpteenth time, _nothing_ is wrong.”

Joan reached over and topped up Vera’s wine glass, “Oh! Vera, I notice these things...I have to, it makes me an effective but also an efficient Governor, I look out for my staff.”

Vera leaned back in her chair and cradled the large glass of red wine, glancing sideways at Joan.

“I-I was just expecting...something important and p-private. I didn’t want my mother to,” she paused to take a large mouthful of wine, “I just...I don’t have the luxury of privacy at home.” She finished diplomatically describing her mother

“Ah yes,” said Joan sipping on her wine, “There were numerous incidents which prompted the change in policy regarding staff receiving any mail, packages, etcetera...you wouldn’t _believe_ the audacity of our fellow correctional officers, how desperate they are to...well, you get the picture...don’t you Vera?”

“Y-yes...a-absolutely s-shocking.” She stammered into her wine glass and avoided Joan’s eyes

“Indeed, desperate and mortifying if caught...I would imagine that they had to hand in their resignation than face their colleagues.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, my mojo was waning :(

 

 

“Hand in their resignations? Isn’t that a tad extreme unless...well, given the circumstances...” her voice trailed off as she stared into the dark liquid of her wine glass

“Valid point although could you imagine if, say for instance,  _you_ brought something in that was equally embarrassing and shameful? Would _you_ want to face the public ridicule? To be judged by those lesser than yourself especially in your position as Deputy Governor?”

“W-what...I-I don’t...are you insinuating something?”

“Oh Vera, I’m merely hypothesising about the situation and how you _failed_ to be aware of the change in policy.”

“It was a small oversight on my part.”

Joan sipped her wine, “I make it my mission to get to know my staff, what makes them tick...it’s come to my attention that you’ve recently become distracted, unfocused.”

Vera felt her herself blush and cursed herself for the uncontrollable response, no doubt that even in the dimly lit office that Joan noticed this.

“N-no, I haven’t.” She protested faintly like a chastised child

Joan smiled, “Oh but you have...and you are lying to me. I thought that we were a team, that we trusted each other and could confide in each other?”

Vera abandoned her wine, placing the glass on the desk, “I-I think I should leave now...”

Joan’s hand gently rested against Vera’s forearm and gestured to the remaining wine, “Vera, wait...I pushed you, haven't I?”

“I-I...you...” she stammered clumsily

Joan held up her hand to silence her struggling Deputy, “I think that perhaps, I should demonstrate _exactly_ what I mean.”

“Demonstrate?” echoed Vera as her voice pitched higher, confused and anxious

Joan nodded and disappeared from sight, leaving Vera alone; against her better judgement Vera reclaimed her wine glass and gulped the velvet liquid.

 

Joan returned and placed a plain wrapped box on her desk then took a seat beside Vera and resumed causally sipping from her wine glass. She noticed that Vera’s glass was now empty, “Can I fill you... _up_?” she inquired innocently

Vera’s eyes widened at the sight of the box upon the desk, her mind whirled in turmoil, had this been the parcel that she had been expecting all day, how did it come to be in Joan’s possession and did _she_ know of its contents?

Vera did not answer so Joan took it upon herself to refill the empty wine glass. She was in desperate need of dutch courage and silently accepted the offer of more wine.

“Am I correct in assuming that _this_ is the important delivery you have been waiting for?" Asked Joan, relaxing back in the leather chair, watching Vera’s every move, she projected her nervousness

Vera shrugged, “Umm! I dunno...maybe?”

Joan sighed and leaned forward to collect her own wine glass from the desk and tiled the box to reveal the address, “It does appear to be addressed to _you._ ”

Vera felt herself slowly shrink down in the chair, her mind was dizzy and her cheeks irradiated heat which was a combination from the amount of wine on an empty stomach, her shattered nerves, the tension in the office and the box which sat on the Governor’s desk between them like the ominous elephant in the room.

“Then it must be for me then...”

Joan bit hard on her tongue, resisting the urge to answer back in an equally sarcastic tone. The wine was definitely affecting Vera, slowly increasing her confidence but only to a certain extent. The sight of the parcel and its mysterious contents had shaken the smaller woman so much so that she reverted back into her shy shell but plying her with _just_ enough alcohol would inevitably coax her back out of said shell.

“Yes, it appears your seemingly important delivery _did_ arrive however it was _not_ documented into the log-book which makes me question its true contents...unless similar to our fellow correctional officers that you have been supplying inmates with a source of narcotics?”

Vera nearly spilled her wine, her mouth gasped open like a goldfish at the accusation, “I-I would never...”

“It just seems rather suspicious...”

“B-but...I-I didn’t even know that it had arrived.” Gasped Vera

“I suppose you wouldn’t...after all _I_ intercepted it.”

Vera blinked rapidly, her eyes almost appeared to be fluttering at Joan, she remained silent unable to fully trust her voice at the present time but was unsure of what Jon was accusing her of or if she knew the contents of the parcel.

“I saved you from certain embarrassment,” continued Joan as she nonchalantly inspected her plain manicured nails, “I am very intrigued as to why you would potentially risk your career...”

“I _didn’t_ know!” interrupted Vera, “I didn’t know about the change of policy...no-one was suppose to know,” a trembling hand covered her face, “My mother...I have no privacy whatsoever at home...” her voice cracked

“So you risked your career...for what exactly?” pushed Joan

“I’m starting to wonder that myself...if it _was_ worth it at all.” Sighed Vera who finally looked up towards Joan

“Perhaps, _I_ should be the judge of that.” She replied softy and reached for the parcel


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any major typos/grammar mistakes.  
> Hope you enjoy the latest chapter as it took a while for me mojo to get kick started.
> 
> Read and Review, please.
> 
> Thanks

 

An entity of immense power pinned Vera to the leather chair rendering her momentarily paralysed and unable to prevent her superior, _the_ Governor from slowly unwrapping the parcel. Vera felt her heart hammer erratically in the tight confines of her chest while she felt a sudden surge of adrenaline coarse through her veins.

The fight or flight response, the primitive of reactions when faced with imminent danger or fear, infiltrated her thoughts, she could potentially flee from the Governor’s office then feign sickness which would prevent her from working or simply hand in her letter of resignation via email or post in order to avoid Joan, who was about to discover her dark, sordid secret.

“Wait!” panicked Vera as she reached out and grabbed Joan by the wrist and tightened her grip around her wrist, “Please...p-please, don’t...” her voice trailed off

Joan’s nostrils flared at the sensation of being touch but she mentally silenced that OCD part of her mind which screamed incessantly. Her dark eyes glanced between the half opened box where the contents remained obstructed then towards Vera who appeared to be paler than usual and somewhat fearful; her stuttering prevented her from forming a coherent sentence.

“Vera,” began Joan as she swivelled in the chair, turning to face her, “I know.”

She frowned with confusion, “You know? What d-do y-you know? _You...know!_ But how...w-wait what?” blurted Vera as her grip remained around Joan’s wrist, her mind raced blindly unable to string a series of questions together

Joan licked her lips, “I _said,_ I know,” she attempted to hint to Vera was not picking up on the verbal cues, “I understand now! It all makes perfect sense...I understand why you went to _all_ this trouble, why you’ve been distracted...need I continue?”

“You knew? This _whole_ damn time, h-how could you?” demanded Vera as tears threatened to burst forthwith from the fragile barrier that began to crumble under the pressure

Joan allowed her free hand to cover Vera’s hand that still clutched onto Joan’s wrist, “There was a minor altercation in reception, call it fate or divine intervention I suppose. The two guards on security detail were required to assist, just as it happens, your _special_ delivery was put through x-ray and I just so happened to be at the right place and at the right time...I saw the monitor and its contents.”

Vera’s embarrassment rapidly turned to anger, “So this was part of your plan? Get me drunk and enjoy doing this to me? God, I’ve never been so mortified in my life...and that...that...y-you...”

Joan shook her head adamantly, “Of course...it...no, it wasn’t...Vera...”

It was now Joan’s turn to stutter which was completely out of character and Vera had never seen the Governor falter, not even once, “I-I understand...truly, I do.”

Vera scowled, “You understand what exactly?” her anger slowly began to subside

“You mentioned earlier about not having privacy, I have observed your behaviour recently...it’s obvious that something had caused you to become distracted, you were always on your mobile phone...so I can only assume that this personal research you mentioned before is somehow in relation to...well, this...” Joan indicated to the parcel on the desk

Vera felt the blood drain from her face, her features paled. It was quite unnerving the ability of her observations and how easy it was to read her. Of course Joan knew, she knew _everything_ that happened in her prison.

“So now you know...that...well, I’ve made some purchases...” she cleared her throat, “personal items for a sensitive nature.” Said Vera

Joan nodded, “The x-ray image wasn’t exactly detailed and may not be so obvious to those less experienced or of the opposite species.”

Vera felt her tense shoulders relax slightly as she previously feared ridicule from Joan who appeared to be revealing a slightly more personal and sympathetic nature or maybe she was lying in order to gain Vera’s confidence and simply pitied her pathetic Deputy Governor.

“T-thank you...for sparing my dignity...”

Joan bowed her head slightly and offered a small yet genuine smile, “So how is your _personal_  research coming along?”

“Oh! Emm! I...Well, it’s a slow process...the theory has provided me with lots to read and watch...” she grimaced then blushed violently for practically admitting to watching what was essential porn for the sake of her research

“Ah! I see...and what of the practical aspect of your research?” inquired Joan as she finished her wine then innocently toyed with the glass between her fingers

Vera watched Joan’s fingers, “T-the...umm...the practical?”

A low sound emitted from her lips, barely audible. A deep husky chuckle that Vera had never had the privilege of hearing before, was Joan drunk?

“So _this_ is amusing for you?”

Joan cocked her head to the side, “Of course it isn’t! But you _are_ aware that good research with reliable and unquestionable results usually consists of two parts, the theory and the practical aspect...you’re not completely naive or you wouldn’t have made _this_ small investment into said research. The long awaited and anticipated delivery had finally arrived and will serve to be the practical...or have I got it all completely wrong?”

Vera averted her eyes from Joan down towards the carpet, “No...I-I haven’t...well, fully...umm, well...y-you know...” her tiny voice dissipated

Joan reached out and placed her hand onto Vera’s shoulder as if to prompt her to continue her train of thought but Vera resisted and refused to make eye contact, “P-please...” started Vera, a whimper pleading

“Please, what? Vera, you know that you can confide in me...we’re a team.”

“P-please...don’t make me say _it_.”

Fresh tears began to well up in her wide, blue doe like eyes she sniffed her nose which caused something inside of Joan to be pulled towards her upset colleague, she needed to console Vera although she was not exactly sure how to do it.

Slowly and softly, Joan’s fingers curled under Vera’s chin and pulled her head upwards so that their eyes met again, “May I?” asked Joan softly

Vera’s eyebrow rose, silently questioning Joan

“Is it safe for me to presume that you haven’t...” she paused and hinted for the obvious question to be answered with indicating towards the box

Vera chewed on her bottom lip and nodded slowly then squeezed her eyes closed attempting to control the fragile dam which held the threatening tears from escaping but also she was ashamed.

“Oh! Vera.” Whispered Joan, her soft voice and warmth of her breath caressed the side of her face and caused an involuntary shiver to run up her spine. Joan’s voice was similar to the red wine that she had consumed, rich and velvety, “it is  _nothing_ to be ashamed about.”

“But...y-you don’t understand...I-I feel like...like...like a _freak_!” admitted Vera

Joan took a sudden intake of air at the mention of that word. She closed her eyes as a flicker of suppressed memories from child and early adulthood resurfaced. Soon, she was surrounded by towering tormentors as they all pointed, jeered and chanted.

_‘Freak, Freak, Freak, Freak, Freak, Freak, Freak, Freak! Joan Ferguson, the Freak!’_

 

“Vera, my dear, you are anything but a,” Joan caught herself from repeating what Vera had described herself to feel like, “you’re not _that,_ I can assure you of that.”

She finally opened her yes, “But I-I feel like one...I’m incomplete like only half a woman...that’s why I-I wanted to be thorough w-with my research.”

“You _are_ meticulous and extremely driven to succeed in anything you put your mind to; you may not always pay attention to the finer details however I _could_ be of some assistance with that particular issue.”

Vera’s eyes bulged and had been convinced that she had simply misheard what Joan had originally said, “I-I I’m sorry...w-what did you say?”

Joan sighed. She loathed the necessity of repeating herself although she could not blame Vera as there were variables to consider that included the wine and the general topic of conversation.

“I am offering my...assistance although it would be purely for research purposes.” Joan was quick to amend her previous comment as she could only speculate on Vera’s sexuality but if she was _somehow_ wrong or if Vera declined her offer then at least she would retain some shred of dignity.

There was an awkward silence that filled the office and between them also.

 

“How about you open _your_ box for me?” suggested Joan

“What?” gasped Vera as Joan handed her the partially opened parcel, she blushed again at the sexual innuendo, “Oh, right...the parcel...umm, okay then.” Recovered Vera as she reached and took the box from the desk then offered a nervous smile at Joan

“So, my little Pandora, what _have_ you been up too?”

Vera blushed menacingly, “You know, a few bits and pieces...this and that.”

Joan appeared unimpressed, “May I?” she politely asked Vera who had yet to open the box, instead to fidgeted with a piece of duck tape and at Joan’s suggestion, Vera practically pushed the box into her hands.

A smile appeared, “Well, this is a...” she began

“ _What,_ what’s wrong?” interrupted Vera

“I was about to say that this is a pleasant surprise...it _really_ is the quiet ones that you...oh!”

“Oh?” mirrored Vera

Joan glanced up from the box, “Were you equally meticulous while online shopping as you were with your research?”

“I-I have to confess...I did require some liquid courage...prior to online shopping, why?

Joan smirked at the thought although it was not difficult to picture the intoxicated little mouse who likely chewed her bottom lip into oblivion as she hesitantly proceeded to pay for her purchases _without_ reading the description of said purchases properly or in all likelihood was anxiously rushed as to prevent her mother from finding out her daughter’s unsettling and obscene interest in her own body and sexuality.

“And you _did_ read the description before making these purchases?” asked Joan

Vera gulped, “I-I may have neglected that...why, what have I acquired?”

“Perhaps, it would be easier to show you...what you have indeed ‘acquired’.”

 

Joan carefully cleared a space on her desk and proceeded to place each purchase in a neat row on her desk. Vera’s eyes widened as he head snapped up at Joan who appeared to be rather amused by the arrangement of Vera’s drunken purchases.

“W-what is _that_?” Vera pointed with a trembling index finger, not even willing to touch the offending looking object

“Vera, my dear, you have bought...apologies, you have _acquired_...” Joan retrieved a sheet of paper which was the receipt for Vera’s purchases, included were the name of the product, a brief description and the price, “Ah! Here it is...you are the proud owner of a ‘Bend Over’”, she glanced at Vera who sat in utter bewilderment, Joan resisted the urge to smile, “The ‘Bend Over’ _beginners_ strap on harness kit which comes complete with _two_ silicon dildos,” Joan paused again and unable to resist, “Well, Vera...at least you bought the beginners one first...” smirked Joan

“B-but how, I can’t even remember.”

Joan shook her head, “I believe that you’ve learnt your first lesson, don’t make online purchases while under the influence of alcohol.”

Vera huffed and folded her arms tightly across her chest, “I’m glad you find this amusing.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Inexprymable for support and advice.  
> Hope you guys are still enjoying this fic...  
> I do love FreakyTits so I hope this does FT justice and is equally good when compared to some of the brilliantly written smutty FT fics.  
> Please read & review....this makes me happy.  
> Overlook any/all spelling/grammar mistakes...can't all be perfect.

 

“Not at all Vera, rather I find your naivety...your _innocent_ and carelessness humorous despite the dedication and depth you have already demonstrated throughout your research.” Smirked Joan playfully as she turned her attention to the various other purchases made by her Deputy, “Although these do seem positively tame in comparison to the dildo that you have  _accidentally_ acquired.”

Vera remained silent, unable to fully trust her voice for fear it would betray or be a dead set giveaway on how she was feeling. She watched as Joan systematically inspect the other ‘toys’ that were displayed on the Governor’s normally pristine desk and could not believe how nonchalant Joan appeared to be, her features remained completely unfazed by the explicit contents of the box which Vera had been anxiously expecting. Vera could not determine which scenario was worse.

Her currently predicament as Joan had discovered her secret or the other scenario where her mother would have intervened and blatantly invaded her daughter’s privacy to which she had likely have died of a heart attack upon witnessing the contents of her long awaited daughter’s delivery.

“Are you aware of what these do?”

Vera attempted to move her head, not fully committed to answering the question, if she was at all truthful, “Um...I-I _did_ do some reading and read the online reviews for the...umm...toys.”

“Oh, I see...” her voice trailed odd as she picked up the Love Egg, “for instance, this.” She gestured, her thumb stroked the smooth silicon, “this would be inserted into...” she explained but decided against a detailed explanation as Vera appeared to grow increasingly uncomfortable, “while this,” she picked up the matching coloured remote for the device, “allows for you _or_ someone else to be in control, to determine the settings of the egg...although I’m not exactly sure what the range of this would be...”

“Hm!” replied Vera, trying to maintain concentration as her features grew redder and hotter with each passing minute, her forehead developed a slight shine due to the rapid increase of body temperature

“There is _nothing_ to be embarrassed nor ashamed about Vera, its perfect normal.” Encouraged Joan

Vera coughed to clear her throat of the sudden lump which appeared, “W-w...what do these do exactly?” she asked hoarsely, her throat remained incredibly dry

“Another purchase that you failed to read the description for?” asked Joan with a slight disappointing tone in her voice

Vera recognised _that_ particular tone of voice having been on the receiving end of it. She chose to remain silent and reached for the bottle of wine which trembled unsteadily as she poured the remains into her glass. Vera was rapidly losing her patience of being gently ridiculed by Joan after all _no-one_ was even supposed to ever know about this.

“These are call Ben Wa or jiggle balls and they serve a dual purpose, they can be used to exercise and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles but also help to enhance sexual stimulation...feel them.” She offered

Vera shook her head and pushed herself against the back of the chair like a child faced with the inevitable fear of vegetables, “I-I...can’t...please...” she cringed inwardly at the sound of her pathetic begging, “This was _all_ a mistake...I-I s-should _never_ have bought all these...I-I need to leave...need to dispose of _all_ of this filth...”

 

Joan stepped back, slightly surprised by Vera’s outburst. She watched as the flustered Deputy stood, leaning over the desk and recklessly threw the toys back into the box although she appeared to be reluctant to touch any of them at all.

It was clear that Vera was emotionally distracted, Joan stealthily moved to stand directly behind her, it was obvious that Vera was emotionally drained and beyond embarrassed, she fumbled clumsy to reseal the box so that no-one else would ever find out about her disgusting little secret.

Joan watched her flustered movement then stepped closer and pressed herself against Vera, pressing her weight slightly against the back of Vera who was now hopelessly pinned against the Governor and her desk. Her head turned at an awkward angle but was only able to catch sight of Joan on the edge of her peripheral vision, “J-Joan...W-what on earth? Are y-you doing?”

“Your shoulders bear the weight of unrelenting tension _and_ stress,” she leaned closer, her lips grazed Vera’s ear whilst a hand rested upon her narrow hip, “my offer _still_ remains...my offer of assistance.”

“I-I...b-but...I-I...I’m not gay...” protested Vera, she gasped when she felt Joan’s other hand resting on the other side of her hip, her fingers gripped firmly

“Think of this as the practical part of your research.”

Vera gasped, sucking in air through her teeth as her posture suddenly went rigid upon feeling the warmth of Joan’s invading hands through the material of her standard issue uniform skirt, Vera bit on her bottom lip unsure if she wanted Joan to stop or continue with this heavily hypnotic and delirious attack on her body which temporarily rendered her speech and thoughtless.

She licked her dry lips while her fingers curled tightly against the smooth surface of the desk, “W-what are you doing?” she whispered

“Am I making you feel uncomfortable?” asked Joan, pausing for a response, “Would you prefer me to stop?”

Vera groaned at Joan’s persistent touch, her hands wandered, making large circles over her hips, upper thighs and over her rounded posterior before finding the zip at the back of her skirt.

“I-I...don’t...” Vera stuttered unable to form a coherent sentence

“Don’t what, Vera?” pushed Joan, in search of an answer

Vera turned her head again slightly, “D-don’t...stop!”

A hand slowly, painstakingly and deliberately teased to pull down the zip of Vera’s skirt. Joan softly touch Vera’s ear with the tip of her nose, her warm breath against her neck caused a sudden wave of goose-bumps to ripple over her entire body.

“Tell me what you want to do, tell me and I’ll grant it.”

Vera reluctantly opened her heavy eyes while her mind was in chaotic disarray while her body screamed at her, demanding that its needs, desires and attention all to be met.

“I read...m-my research...I’d like...I-I like this...”

Joan’s hands returned to each side of Vera’s hips, she shuffled back from Vera slightly, creating space between herself and Vera, no longer was she helplessly pinned against the desk. There was an unmistakable sound made by Vera that emanated from her throat, similar to a frustrated growl as she missed the close delicious contact, the dominance and experience of Joan.

“No! That wasn’t my question...what do you _really_ want? What do you need me to do, what do you crave the most? This is all for you, Vera...it’s all about _you.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worked my ass off for this chapter!  
> Please read & review...thoughts, etc  
> Hope its NOT too OOC!  
> Please ignore spelling/grammar mistakes....the odd one gets in there somehow :(
> 
> Enjoy

 

 

Vera's standard issue uniform skirt pooled at her heeled shoes on the carpeted floor as her legs trembled at the sudden exposure and the coolness of the office.

Joan raised an inquisitive eyebrow, taken by complete surprise that under Vera’s uniform, she had unwrapped her Deputy like an early Christmas present, it revealed a delightful surprise, “Well, aren’t you _just_ full of surprises?”

Then, Joan traced the frilly edge of Vera’s black French knickers which created a wave of goose-bumps in the wake of her index finger, Joan smiled at the obvious effect she created and had over Vera.

The younger woman was powerless to stop her.

“Who’d have known that under this standard and rather boring uniform would be this lovely...”

Vera remained silent, eyes closed lightly while her head hung low as she forced herself to concentrate of her breathing.

“ _And_ stockings? It seems I may have misjudged you, indeed.”

 

Joan placed her hands on the desk, side by side to Vera’s clenched fists as she towered over Vera, she pressed herself into her, gently pushing Vera even further against the cool surface of the desk.

“Cat got your tongue?” teased Joan, nuzzling the spot underneath Vera’s ear with her nose and waited calmly for a response although she did not expect Vera to be able to answer, “Do you wish me to continue?”

Vera nodded all too eagerly, “Y-yes...yes, yes!”

 

Joan pushed herself up from the desk and pulled Vera up with her, whilst maintaining the consistent pressure of her hips against Vera’s backside. Her hands felt for the small buttons on the front of Vera’s shirt which slowly revealed her warm quivering chest. Her breath hitched as she felt Joan’s fingers graze her flushed skin as she expertly opened her white shirt, firmly tugged her out of her clothing and discarded it.

Vera’s mind was in a chaotic whirl as she was unable to fathom how a few glasses of wine and debrief had somehow turned into her standing practically naked, save for her matching underwear, hunched over the Governor’s desk.

Any persistant thoughts or questions regarding her own sexuality flew carelessly out of the window, Vera did not care and she just wanted Joan to...to

What exactly _did_ she want? How could she possibly ask or subtlety hint, perhaps the more experienced woman would be able pick up the nonverbal cues and take full control and keep her promise to show her everything?

Her thighs automatically squeezed together tightly as an unfamiliar and slow throb emanated from deep within, between her legs and Vera could only assume that this was normal. She tried but failed to recall her detailed, in depth reading to be able to somehow link what she had learnt to what she was currently feeling, experiencing but suddenly her mind was plunged into darkness. She whimpered loudly when both of Joan’s hands interrupted her thoughts by cupping her breasts, her thumbs circled and caressed Vera’s nipples through the black laced material of her bra.

Vera gasped involuntarily, desperate to catch her breath as Joan continued her vicious attack upon her breasts. She smirked, feeling Vera’s erect nipples against her hands, it had not taken much manipulation and it appeared that Vera herself was a giant ball of sexually repressed and frustrated energy that longed to be free but instead was cocooned within her small slender figure.

The attention Joan lavished upon her was just the beginning as something slowly awoke from a long dormant slumber.

Caught between her fingers, Joan playfully pinched the painfully erected and sensitive nipples that remained imprisoned in the lace confines of her bra. Vera moaned loudly as her fingers fidgeted, constantly clenching and unclenching her hands by means of distraction. The throb situated between her thighs increased steadily.

 

Joan used her foot to nudge a part Vera’s stance to force her legs wide open and in doing so, kicked away the fallen black skirt however Vera resisted and attempted to keep her legs closed but Joan grunted and pushed her knee up in between her centre, between her thighs where she felt the heat radiate from her. Joan forced Vera’s legs further apart and pinned them in place with her own legs to prevent Vera from closing her legs.

Vera panicked slightly, she tried but failed to push herself up from her desk only to be roughly pinned back, returned to her rightful place. Joan’s hands pressed Vera’s hands flat against the desk then entwined her fingers with Vera’s, “Let’s put your research to the test...you _do_ trust me, don’t you?”

“I-I...I’m nervous...t-tell me...w-what you p-plan to d-do...with m-me.” Stammered Vera

With her fingers still entwined around Vera’s, once again, Joan pulled both of them from the desk now standing and guided their hands onto Vera’s breasts.

“Feel your body Vera, feel its needs, its wants...its desires.”

Joan continued to guide Vera’s innocent hands, pressing them hard against the laced cupped breasts. Vera's clammy palms felt her own hard nipples practically piercing through the thin material.

“Can you feel _that_ Vera?”

She nodded then allowed her head to fall limply against Joan’s still clothed chest, her eyes rolled beneath closed eyelids

 

One of Joan’s hands soon began to guide Vera’s slowly from her breast, descent towards her abdomen where their combined hands teasingly massaged her taught stomach while inching ever further down towards the waist band of her black French knickers however Vera tightened her fingers and tugged against Joan’s hand.

“I-I...we can’t!” protested Vera suddenly becoming shy

“Yes, _we_ can...trust me! Be brave Vera...you’ll enjoy it, just free yourself...embrace it...”

She made an inaudible noise and opened her eyes to stare up towards Joan

“This _is_ what your research has been leading up to, hasn’t it? I’ll be with you the entire way, there’s no need to be embarrassed.”

Vera swallowed, “S-show m-me....what it’s like.”

Their linked hands tentatively manoeuvred underneath Vera’s underwear which caused her to hiss.

Joan suddenly stopped and let out a low throaty chuckle, “Why Vera, aren’t you just constantly full of surprises?”

Through the haze of delirious exploration of her body under the guidance and supervision of Joan, Vera managed to shrug her shoulders, “W-what do....y-you mean?” she panted breathlessly

Vera felt her hips roll in order to capture Joan’s attention, a futile attempt for Joan to continue.

“You’ve shaved!” observed Joan as she bit her own bottom lip

Vera rolled her eyes, growing increasingly impatient, their interlinked fingers were _right_ there, so close which made Vera even more desperate, “So...y-you approve?”

Joan leaned down towards Vera’s exposed neck and lightly blew against the sensitive part of her neck that she had only recently discovered then captured her earlobe between her lips and sucked firmly, Vera smirked as moaned loudly.

“You _are_ positively divine.” Answered Joan finally

Their entwined fingers, guided by Joan, deliberately teased until both hands were buried deep beneath Vera’s knickers and her vagina which were soaking wet.

“Curl your finger....just....like....this...” whispered Joan as she motioned with her middle finger

Vera attempted to mimic Joan’s torturous actions. She no longer felt embarrassed or awkward not with Joan who helped to guide and teach Vera about her own body. As Vera continued to curl her middle finger as demonstrated by Joan, she felt a build up of warmth pooling from deep within, her toes twitched and began to curl in her shoes.

“That’s right, I can feel you...so, so close...don’t resist it Vera...welcome _it_ with open arms, you’ve earned this....”

Vera squeezed her eyes tighter and desperately pulled at her legs which were still restrained by Joan’s own legs. Her breathing became more laboured, panting desperately as the impending wave bordered on the horizon; Joan gripped Vera around her abdomen to fully support the smaller woman.

Her jaw dropped open unable to speak only a strangled shriek escaped from her throat as an excruciating orgasm ripped through her body causing her to fall limply against Joan’s arms as her only means of support.

 

* * *

 

In Vera’s collapse into oblivion of wave upon wave of pleasure, the box which precariously rested on the desk was nudged and fell onto the floor with a loud crash. The impact caused the contents to escape and it had been obvious that Vera had not successfully resealed her parcel.

Something rolled and came to a stop at Joan’s heeled shoe which caused her to momentarily become distracted. She glanced down to find an innocent bottle of lubricant which she had failed to notice before, a devious thought followed by a mirrored smile graced her features and she turned her attention back to Vera.

“Vera, you said you wanted me to show you _everything..._ tell me, does that offer still remain?” she asked politely

Vera was still in a state of perpetual bliss as she slowly recovered from her first ever orgasm and somehow through the haze, she grinned drunkenly and nodded in response to Joan’s question.

“I want to demonstrate with one of your...toys! I think it will be hugely beneficial for you.”

Joan bent down to retrieve the small bottle of lubricant and the Love Egg, she proceed to pour a small amount of lubricant over the soft silicon toy then resumed her position behind Vera.

“Control your breathing, nice and slow,” Joan ordered in a husky voice, gently tugging the saturated knickers, pulling the thin material over to one side to allow for easy access, “I need you to relax...this may be cold but only to begin with.”

Joan poised the egg at the entrance, slowly caressing her swollen lips and witnessed as Vera’s fingers gripped onto the desk as though her life depended on it. Slowly, Joan was easily able to glide the egg into Vera, she hissed at the coolness before relaxing her muscles, trusting Joan implicitly.

Once, the Love Egg was nestled in its rightful place, Joan rearrange Vera’s underwear neatly then rounded to the other side of the desk, _her_ rightful place. Vera pouted at the lack of close contact as the desk now separated them.

“Stay exactly how you are, Vera...now, do remind me, what exactly is this for?” asked Joan sitting down in her black leather chair and placing the remote for the Love Egg in front of her

Vera blinked several times, “It-it’s t-t the remote control f-for the t-toy.”

“Correct,” she smiled, “Now, I’d like for you to maintain your current position and to remain like that until otherwise instructed.”

Overall confused and returning fully from cloud nine, Vera mindlessly found herself nodding in agreement

“Excellent, do this and you’ll be rewarded, Vera!”

 

Joan switched on the remote control to see a small button flashing, indicating standby mode. She glanced between the remote in her hand and Vera who was bent over her desk, legs remained in a wide stance as her hands were flat against the surface of the desk. Joan pressed and held down the flashing button.

Suddenly, Vera jerked, her knees almost threatened to buckle as her grip tightened against the desk for support, “O-oh my...god!”

Joan smiled, “The setting isn’t _too_ powerful however I do suspect that you’re still a little sensitive from...” explained Joan as she put down the remote control and reached for the folder of documents that she had been working on prior to Vera arriving in her office in a sullen mood

Vera’s eyes widened at the nonchalant demeanour of Joan, who had been tender and attentive but now, now she was working! Vera felt utterly exposed and humiliated.

“You cannot seriously...”

Joan did not even bother to look up from the page that she was engrossed in reading while her fingers tapped impatiently on the desk, near the remote control, “You do want to be rewarded, don’t you?”

“Y-yes...b-but...” her voice squeaked as Joan pressed another button which increased the vibration of the Egg

“Allow me to complete this and you’ll be granted said reward.”

Vera chewed her bottom lip, her nails now digging into the edge of the desk as her hips slowly began to rick in a steady tempo as the deeply buried toy vibrated continuously, “Oh Jesus!”

 

* * *

 

Vera crossed her legs tightly and clenched fists shuddered against the desk, minuscule droplets of perspiration formed around her hairline, she licked her dry lips and attempted to concentrate on her steady breathing but her head fell against her arms as another delicious surge of vibrations from the Egg caressed her inner walls, Joan altered the settings after sensing that Vera was adapting and getting _too_ comfortable.

Vera shook her head in defeat, in silent protest and could not help but let out a long frustrating groan. A quivering hand tugged at her underwear, it was like an unreachable itch that begged to be satisfied. She resumed biting against her bottom lip and managed to summon what little strength she possessed, eventually able to look up at Joan with watery, pleading doe like eyes, “P-please...oh god! J-Joan...please.” she begged with a sense of urgency evident in her voice

Joan paused and stared at Vera then flashed her, a simply wicked smile as she slowly and silently ignored her pleading Deputy who was slumped against her desk. Joan continued to write notes with her trademark yellow pencil, “Once I _am_ finished Vera, in the meantime, do show some patience and restraint. ‘Good things _come_ to those who wait’, as the saying goes.”

Vera felt her bottom lip shake, she was beyond desperate and Joan would not be easily swayed, would not give into her begging or pleading.

 

Her head sank back into the crook of her arm.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't abandoned you guys!  
> Massive thank you for everyone that's been following, reading, leaving kudos/reviews....it really does mean a lot!
> 
> Personal shout out and thank you to JoansDiary for ping-pong ideas which kick started my mojo into making notes and well, it escalated into a chapter with additional ideas for more! Here's lookin' at you kiddo ;)
> 
> Remember to tip your waitress. Reviews = Happiness
> 
> Apologises for spelling/grammar mistakes as I do read prior to posting but sometime the wee buggers get in there....
> 
> Enjoy x

 

 

“Oh, come now...you know how I detest petty begging and pleading. You sound like a perpetual child wanting a toy.”

“I-I...but I’m _not_!” she whined as she latched onto Joan’s arm, tugging at her uniform jacket, stretched over the desk, “Y-y you’re enjoying t-this aren’t you?”

Joan glanced between Vera and the remote control which rested in the palm of her hand, away from Vera’s desperate reach.

“Why don’t we test the full potential of this little toy? Would you like that?”

Vera shook her head in protest, “N-no, no....no, I can’t han...Aww! Fuuuuuck!” she swore through grinding teeth as her pelvis rocked, matching the new speed of the egg

 

Vera closed her eyes as she threw her head back whilst the smallest muscles twitched forming a small smile, tugging at the corner of her lips before fully forming into a wide, satisfied grin. A deep groan rippled from her throat as her hips rocked with more effort, no longer feeling shy or embarrassed.

Joan leaned forward watching with great intrigue and awe as Vera neared the edge. She witnessed the metamorphosis of her Deputy Governor and with the additional help of the wine which helped to relax the usually uptight and timid creature who was now standing practically naked in front of her desk, her head thrown back as her hair messily unravelled itself from the confines of her small bun.

Closer and closer, Vera inched towards the impending orgasm that slowly and painstakingly built up, this felt very different in comparison to when she and Joan’s hand were buried deep inside of her and when she had experienced her first orgasm.

Her toes started to curl painfully in her heeled shoes as she forced herself not to collapse as her knees wobbled like a newborn calf learning to walk for the first time.

“Yissss.” Hissed Vera, her head angled upwards towards the ceiling

Joan rested her chin into the palm of her hand which was propped up by an elbow that rested on the desk and casually inspected the small remote control. Her thumb stroked a particular button and she wondered what would happen if she were to cruelly change the settings as it was all too obvious that Vera neared her second orgasm of the night.

 

* * *

 

“W-what...what...J-Joan?!” gasped Vera in a state of panic

The Love Egg had stopped abruptly and therefore ended the sweet, delicious release. Vera glared menacingly at Joan who twirled the remote control between her fingers. The only thing missing from this particular scene was Joan stroking a white cat like a deranged and maniacal villain straight from the James Bond movie franchise.

“Joan...what...the fuck?” she panted angrily demanding an explanation

“Excuse me?”

“You know fine well, what!” replied Vera, feeling suddenly brave and ultimately cheated by the cruel timing of which Joan had decided to cease the vibrations of the toy, “Hand it over...I’ll finish what you’ve started!” threatened Vera

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes, it is,” she stated as a matter of fact, “Now! Give. Me. The. Remote... _now._ ”

“I don’t take orders, I give orders!” replied Joan

Driven by her own frustration and the need to fully satisfy the still throbbing sensation between her legs, Vera took drastic action, if Joan was not going to fulfil Vera’s request nor continue then she would have to take matters into her own hands, so to speak!

“Fine,” spat Vera, “Fine!” frustrated by the teasing and the ill timing as the Love Egg ceased the additive vibrations that she had become momentarily accustomed too.

“Fine,” her voice suddenly softened, her fingers freed the remainder of her hair from the loose bun, “fine, if you won’t give me the remote control then....” she resisted the urge to beg, “I was s-so...close.”

It had been infuriating, to be so close and then coldly denied, refused the release. The throb between her thighs slowed down tremendously compared to only a few moments ago, “What is the purpose...to refuse me, the denial of....”

Joan relaxed back in her chair while the remote control remained in front of her on the desk as her elbows rested on the chrome armrests, fingers interlinked and her chin rested upon her fingers.

She stared at Vera but chose to remain silent.

“Oh! The silent treatment?” continued Vera, “You said you would guide me...teach me...but now, well...s-should I be reciprocating...do you feel unappreciated or perhaps even j-jealous?”

Joan snorted, “Why would _I_ be jealous? Please elaborate.” Her tone heavy, dripping in sarcasm

Vera detected annoyance in her voice which the sarcasm failed to disguise perhaps she was onto something but should she continue to provoke the woman who sat confidently behind the desk, assuming her role as The Governor.

“Yes, that's it...you _are_ jealous!” repeated Vera, lowering herself to Joan’s level.

Joan sighed and rolled her eyes, momentarily distracted with the pointless line of inquiry.

Vera snatched the remote control for the Love Egg from the desk and grinned wickedly back at Joan with triumph. Vera would be able to fulfil and grant her own release since Joan had blatantly refused.

Vera staggered slightly, feeling suddenly giddy due to her current predicament but also due to the amount of wine she had drank and on an empty stomach, the last meal she had eaten was breakfast before arriving at work for a double shift.

 _Now,_ she would have the control, she would have the power and she would not deny herself the much needed pleasure and release. She would not be cruel to herself like Joan had been to her.

 

Vera frowned, confused by the few buttons and randomly, she pressed what she assumed was the power button but nothing happened.

Soon, she desperately pawed at all the buttons, hoping for some divine miracle that she was just too tipsy and that any second now the egg would resume its steady and readily welcomed vibrations.

Joan smugly held the two small batteries between her thumb and index finger, “Lost something Vera? You cannot possibly achieve _anything_ without these.”

Vera gasped as her stomach somersaulted with both anger and lust that threatened to overwhelm her small frame. If Vera was brutally honest with herself, her obsessive and compelling research had taught her a lot but this, _this..._ the practical part of the research as Joan had called it, had awakened her previously ignored and repressed sexual desires and now these normally dormant feelings had been exposed like herself, revealed and now she was insatiable, the _need_ for more. She had merely sampled a fraction of this blissful state and she demanded even more.

“B-b but...why?” asked Vera

Joan shrugged her shoulders, “Why not?”

“Y-you won’t give me what I want...what _I_ deserve! You wouldn’t give me the remote and y-you certainly won’t hand over the batteries...”

There was a heavy pause, a silence which was palpable as both women stared at each other, Vera was the one to blink and briefly look away from Joan's intense glare. 

“C-can you please...do something, _anything?_ H-help me...Christ! Joan, what else....what do you want to me to say...to do?”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The series finale, what a kick in the stomach! The entire fandom is beyond blue and depressed and the wait for season five :(
> 
> Massive shout out to my new creative consultant Joansdiary! Thanks for pm/emails and generally putting up with my rants, self doubt, etc....

 

Vera slowly closed her wide doe eyes in order to rein in the whirlwind of emotions, her racing heartbeat slowed down back to its normal steady rhythm as did her breathing however her skin, flushed and radiated heat, still craved for the gentle caress of Joan’s hands and like a drug, Vera missed the attentiveness and the effects that her hands where somehow capable and possessed over her body.

 

Gradually, she pushed herself up from the desk and resumed her usual stance as if she were still in uniform and addressing the Governor with a trivial work related issue or conversation to do with balancing the budget and staff overtime.

 

Finally, Vera reluctantly opened her eyes and looked down at Joan, who remained seated behind her desk, those dark haunting eyes burning through Vera as if Joan were capable of entering her mind and reading her thoughts, the deepest and darkest secrets slowly unravelling. Vera’s jaw tightened which caused Joan to smirk, a twitch at the corner of her mouth as she resisted to break her cold facade.

 

“I need you t-to....tell me...or t-to s-show me, what it is that I need to do!” spoke Vera, her tone reflected control, “Is that what you want to hear?” she asked, her tone was notably much softer and saddened as the throbbing sensation situated between her thighs slowly died down.

 

Vera licked her lips and took a small step away from the desk, “Joan?” she attempted to gain the older woman’s attention, “I need you. Please help me?”

 

Joan scoffed, “Help you? Are you in trouble Vera?”

 

“Then, teach me! I don’t know what to do...I’m stuck...helpless, I-I...I require your assistance.”

 

Joan raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow then casually pushed herself up from her chair, smoothing out the creases from her uniform jacket and re-buttoned the last silver buttons of her jacket. Joan deliberately circled Vera similar to a Great White Shark, assessing and calculating the struggling prey before launching an attack, with the element of surprise.

 

“Aren’t I already?” whispered Joan into Vera’s ear, her soft tone and close proximity caused her to feel lightheaded as another wave of desire, of want threatened to submerge Vera, the throb briefly returned

 

“But h-how? I fail t-to see...”

 

“Vera,” she tutted, “that’s because your train of thought remains confined in a rigid little box however myself, on the other hand, knows exactly what to do...with you. But it is a matter of trust and that we value our professional relationship after all you are an upstanding and fine Deputy Governor....nonetheless, that level of trust must continue and just how far are you willing to go?”

 

“I-I...are you? But...” stammered Vera

 

“Along with me.” Finished Joan, her voice barely audible

 

Vera swallowed the fast forming dryness as her throat constricted and tightened. Joan perched herself on the edge of the desk, in front of Vera and placed her hand out to Vera, beckoning for the remote control. Vera was hesitant but reluctantly handed over the remote for the toy, even if she wanted to, Vera found herself powerless to refuse anything that Joan demanded of her, there was something about her, projecting confidence and authority making it virtually impossible for anyone to refuse her.

 

Joan slipped the batteries back into the remote control and cradled it in her hand, “You have a decision to make, don’t you Vera...I do not like to be kept waiting!” she warned, her dark eyes pierced Vera’s

 

“D-decision?” asked Vera, “But...I-I d-don’t know...what y-you mean...”

Joan sighed deeply, growing increasingly impatient, “Turn around.” She said coolly

 

Vera’s movements were awkward like a puppet and whoever controlled her was not used to coordinating her limbs for fear of tangling the string. Joan leaned forward slightly as an arm snaked around her waist and pulled Vera back into Joan, feeling the rough material of her uniformed jacked against her naked skin.

 

“You don’t know?” echoed Joan, mimicking Vera pathetic and stuttering tone, toying with her younger woman, “I thought you were smarter than this, Vera?”

 

Vera swallowed as her widened eyes watched Joan as she handled the remote control for the love Egg and waited desperately for the badly missed vibrations to once again resume.

 

“Just tell me...tell me what you...want! What you expect me to do and God, I’ll do it....I-I swear, I-I do whatever you ask...just...”

 

Joan’s arm tightened around her waist, pulling Vera hard against her chest and if Vera was mistaken, she could feel Joan’s chest heaving, almost breathlessly against her, could it be that Joan was enjoying herself or equally as frustrated as she was.

 

“Trust,” she paused, “I expect implicit and unquestionable trust.”

 

Joan allowed her foot to push Vera’s stance slightly only this time, Vera did not resist, surrendering, knowing it to be useless to protest or resist her. Joan’s thumb readily stroked the button near the top of the remote control whilst Vera cocked her head at an awkward angle to be able to see Joan.

 

“Your research...the practical aspect of it, it cannot possibly be fully explored in depth nor completely fulfilled in one night...alone but perhaps if we had an arrangement that we could both agree on?”

 

“You mean...y-you aaaand...m-me...t-thiiiis!” moaned Vera as the Love Egg erupted back into life, reigniting the once diminishing throbbing between her thighs as she tried to form a coherent conversation, a response to Joan

 

Her thumb moved from one button onto another which caused Vera to gasp loudly, her hands clamped against Joan’s upper thighs for support and the vibrations of the Love Egg increased, it had only a matter of minutes since she had felt the delicious vibrations but she welcomed the deep vibrations but her pelvis struggled to maintain the feverish rhythm

 

“Yes, Vera...a regular arrangement, for want of a better meaning,” hissed Joan against Vera’s ear as her manicured nails painful buried into the material of her trousers and marked her skin, “we can accomplish many things...y-you would naturally conclude your research.”

 

Vera bit painfully against her bottom lip while nodding her head adamantly although if it was in agreement to Joan’s suggestion or the familiar journey towards her second impending orgasm and she refused to be denied this time. Joan rested her forehead against the back of Vera’s neck, inhaling deeply, the sweet aroma of pomegranate and mango shampoo infused hair which softly tickled her nostrils. Vera adjusted her hands on Joan’s thighs where instead of her nails painfully digging into her skin, she gripped tightly was support as her hips rolled deeply, rapidly match the energetic vibrations.

 

Vera hissed through her clenched teeth, eyes were squeezed tightly shut as she focused solely on the impending orgasm which she had been previously denied and but the rapid build up of this particular orgasm was waiting to be greeted happily by Vera. Her mouth hung open as she forced air into her chest and it sounded as though she was hyperventilating. The once diminished throbbing returned with a vengeance, intensifying to match the increased of white heat generated between her thighs.

 

She gasped loudly, feeling her toes beginning to curl, knowing that she was so close and prayed that Joan would not be so cruel to repeat her actions and deny Vera the orgasm she worked effortlessly to achieve.

 

“Yes, Vera...” whispered Joan as she placed her hands onto her hips, “Slow down the thrusting of your hips....roll, deeply....yes, yes...like that!” she ordered observing Vera’s pelvic movement that must have worked as the sounds that escape the quivering Deputy was different and unfamiliar to Joan

 

 

 

Joan’s arm tightened around the small waist as a blissful Vera fell limply back against her. She changed the settings on the Love Egg to allow for a slow, weaker vibrations program to continue messaging the engorged and sensitive core of Vera who had been rendered speechless.

 

“Enjoy this feeling Vera...” whispered Joan as she observed Vera, proud of her handiwork, it may have been cruel to have denied anyone of an orgasm but judging the satisfied outcome, Vera was utterly blissful on cloud nine

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! Thanks for the continuous support  
> Special shout out goes to my self-appointed creative consultant - Joansdiary  
> Please pardon any spelling/grammar mistakes, I have tried to eliminate/keep minimal 
> 
> Again, don't forget to tip your waitress...
> 
> Enjoy x

 

 

Joan clung onto Vera whose limbs were that of a limp, little rag doll with only Joan’s toned arm wrapped around her naked abdominal area that kept Vera from collapsing into an undignified heap onto the carpeted floor at Joan’s feet.

Vera’s head rested against Joan’s chest, lulled over to one side. The rough material of the Governor’s black uniformed jacket was oddly comforting and served as a reminder to Vera that this was in fact reality and not a cruel dream created by her subconscious mind.

She sighed contently still basking in the afterglow of her second orgasm of the night, Vera did not expect Joan to be _this_ accommodating as Vera half expected to be either dismissed or immediately thrown into another _lesson._ She was equally surprised that Joan just simply held her, holding her close against her towering figure.

Drained, Vera was unable to summon the energy to move and what little strength remained was barely keeping herself standing upright as her knees occasionally buckled, threatening to gave way at any time from underneath her but she was grateful that Joan held her, preventing a less than graceful fall onto the floor. Vera’s eyes remained closed and she felt completely satisfied, allowing herself to stay in the moment and to fully experience the post orgasmic state of mind.

Joan tentatively reached out from behind Vera with her free hand and tucked a stray, fallen lock of hair back behind her ear. Joan permitted herself to carefully inspect Vera’s face.

“You see Vera,” whispered Joan finally interrupting the silence that only a few minutes ago had been filled with heavy, panting breathing, begging and then reward of golden sound that emitted from Vera’s throat as she surrendered to the painfully delayed orgasm. Joan’s warm breath created an uncontrollable shudder.

“You may have thought of me as being cruel to initially deny you but just look at you now! Good things really do _come_ to those who wait...was it worth it?”

Vera slowly nodded somehow finding the energy to do so, “I-I _did_ doubt you,” she angled her neck in order to catch sight of Joan, who lurked on the edge of her peripheral vision, “I-I I...I’m sorry for _ever_ doubting you...it was foolish of me.”

Joan lowered her head, preventing Vera from witnessing her sly smile, it was exactly what she wanted...trust and now Vera trusted her implicitly.

Joan, then leaned her forehead against the side of Vera’s head and nudged it back against her chest, to rest, “What is done, is done...however,” she paused for effect and to ensure that she had Vera’s unwavering attention, “Should you wish for _this_ arrangement to continue, if you still require my aid in your research then I must demand one thing from you...”

Vera licked her dry lips whilst she listened intently to Joan, “I’ll do anything!” she blurted out

Joan raised an eyebrow, “Anything?” she repeated carefully, “Vera, you _should_ be more careful of what you say...wish for,”

Vera paused for a moment for refection and to gather her thoughts, “Within reason, Joan...I _will_ do anything, I-I want to learn...I want _you_...t-to t-teach me.”

“Very well, if that is what you want?” asked Joan, “But it is imperative that I can _trust_ you...but know this, should you break that trust then I _will_ cease this arrangement as well as your mentor-ship.”

Vera felt herself swallow the lump that formed in her throat.

 

* * *

 

“It is one of the perks of being Governor, having a fully stocked fridge and a private bathroom, you may want to...freshen yourself up.”

“Oh! I-I...well, thank you,” stammered Vera, slightly disheartened that the _practical_ aspect of her research had abruptly finished, she glanced at the time, not ready to be dismissed from the Governor’s office

Vera awkwardly tried to shield her naked midriff from Joan’s powerful, dark eyes and reached for her crumpled uniform which had been haphazardly discarded like useless Christmas wrapping paper once the present had been fully revealed.

Joan’s hand swiftly snatched at Vera’s wrist, preventing Vera from retrieving her uniform from the back of the chair. She raised an eyebrow, instantly confused.

“What are you doing?” demanded Joan referring to Vera’s uniform, the sight of the creased material caused her nostrils to involuntarily flare

“But...well, I-I was going to freshen up...then g-go home.”

“Pity.” Tutted Joan, she replied nonchalantly, releasing Vera’s wrist and deliberately inspecting her manicured fingernails

Vera shook her head in disbelief, “But, I thought...” her voice trailed off, not entirely sure what she _did_ think, if this were a card game then Joan was playing her cards close to her chest and revealed nothing

“Then, you presume incorrectly...there is but _one_ more lesson for tonight,” she paused and checked the time, “although, I suppose that perhaps it’s best if I referred to _this_ lesson as your homework for want of a better expression.”

Vera’s eyes widened, “Homework?!” she gasped loudly, “I-I can’t...y-you know I c-can’t...if my mother ever found...” working herself in a state of panic

“Vera, you are wasting precious time,” her voice silenced her Deputy’s panic, Joan’s fingers curled under Vera’s chin and scrutinised her still widened doe like eyes, still so innocent and anxious, “Now, go and freshen up. Oh! You’ll require this.” Said Joan, handing the remote control for the Love Egg to Vera

 

Vera resisted the urged to cast a flying glance over her shoulder, she could practically feel Joan’s stare burning into the back of her as she entered the private bathroom. Once, the door was closed, she leaned against its cool surface and took a few second to calm herself and organise her thoughts.

 

Carefully, Vera locked the door, something that she did out of habit and instinct as it was the sole time that Vera was granted any really privacy in her own home. Suddenly, she shook her head adamantly as if to dispel the thought, she did not want to taint or pollute tonight’s memories with unwelcome visions of her poisonous and domineering mother.

 

She clutched onto the porcelain sink, her eyes closed and head hung low, mentally preparing herself, her refection that was her own worst critic and an extension of her over critical mother.

Slowly, Vera straightened her posture and eventually opened her eyes as she witnessed her dishevelled reflection staring equally shocked back at herself. Vera stood in her matching black laced underwear, automatically her arm snaked around her naked abdomen to shield her eyes from her own physically imperfection, not to mention that in addition, her superior and mentor had also seen her semi naked body which caused her to redden  with embarrassment, her arm tightened around herself but despite the response of seeing her body in the harsh light of the bathroom, a minute smile formed at the corner of her lips as Vera replayed the memories that she and Joan has shared.

She stared down at the remote control for the Love Egg which rested on the counter, Vera pressed and held down the top button that switched the toy off, Joan had selected the lowest setting for Vera which added to her post orgasmic blissful state of recovery.

Vera pouted, her body instantly saddened and immediately missed the continuously low vibrations however her interest and intrigued was piqued as she remembered Joan’s announcement of _‘one more lesson.’_

Her eyes squinted against the harsh, artificial light as she leaned forward over the sink, closer towards the mirror. Her naturally pale complexion was marked by pink uneven lines that felt like a semi permanent tattoo or a branding caused by Joan’s powerful yet tender hands.

Vera craned her neck in a bid to see the full extent of the marks caused by the Governor, unfortunately she lacked the ability to properly inspect the superficial imprint and there was no other mirror to aid her. Instead, her fingers traced several red scratches which Vera could only assume was caused by Joan’s fingernails but she was unable to recall and prompted her smile to grow exponentially, she was unable to remember due to the fact that any conscious thoughts were temporarily short circuited with the wrestling combination of Joan’s delirious touch _and_ the hypnotic vibrations caused by the Love Egg.

Vera sighed loudly, part of her felt numb as if in denial regarding the entire events since entering the Governor’s office, it was as if this was all part of some bizarre dream, it was almost too good to be true.

Her eyes closed once again, wanting to remain in the moment, in the Governor’s office and find out what exactly the last lesson of the night was going to be, she would be devastated if she were to wake from her dream to find out it had all been a pathetic school girl crush over her boss.

 

Reluctantly, Vera blinked open her eyes and still found herself standing half naked in front of the mirror in the Governor’s private bathroom. She looked down at herself as she found that her hand, toying with the lace material waistband of her French knickers and another wave of embarrassing heat radiated from her body, hesitant to remove the Love Egg.

She washed the Love Egg then her hands then stared at her reflection while drying her hands. Vera’s thoughts began to swirl chaotically as she turned her attention to Joan with only the bathroom door separating both women.

Vera was naive, she knew this and but it was more so apparent when she spent hours of her time reading through various online sources, gathering and collating information all in the name of research _but_ never had Vera actually stopped, taking the time and think about or even question her sexuality before, after all her first and last experience was that of an awkward teenaged kiss that she had shared with a boy in her class only to be humiliated by her mother.

Initially, Vera had been disappointed that her eagerly anticipated delivery had not arrived but it was not until Joan’s revelation that in fact _she_ had intercepted the parcel at security and saved Vera in embarrassment from her fellow colleagues, Vera’s memory had then became rather fuzzy and lacked the clear details due to the amount of wine consumed on an empty stomach and not to neglect her utter humiliation as Joan _knew_ the contents of said parcel.

Then, there was Joan’s suggestion...

_‘I am offering my...assistance...purely for research purposes.’_

Which begged the question, was Joan gay?

 

* * *

 

“Come over...I won’t bite, well not unless biting features in the theory of your research?”

“W-what are y-you doing?” she asked nervously

Since emerging from the bathroom, her sense of bravery and confidence had all but virtually disappeared, it also did not help matters that Vera was still half naked while Joan remained in her entire uniform, immaculately, not even a single hair appeared out of place.

 “Ssh!” ordered Joan as she reached out, her hand rested against Vera’s hip and judging by her reaction, Vera’s body happily welcomed her touch

Joan retrieved the smooth, black silicon jiggle balls from her pocket and revealed the toy to Vera, who simply stared down at her hand. Joan’s thumb gently caressed the toy and briefly imaged her to be wearing her black leather gloves whilst stroking the jiggle balls that Vera had purchased.

“Now, Vera...you _do_ remember me telling you about these, don’t you?” asked Joan

“Umm...something about t-toning and o-orgasms?” she hesitated

“Your intoxicated purchase is known as Ben Wa jiggle balls or simply jiggle balls, feel them.”

Joan observed Vera as she seemed reluctant to take the toy from her. Vera inspected the toy and appeared to show genuine intrigue, “They...they feel heavy.” Stated Vera

“Correct and thankfully for you...you purchases the _beginners_ weight,” she noticed Vera’s sudden change in facial expression, “Yes, there is variety of weights. Your pelvic floor muscles are just like other muscles in the body which requires a regular workout in order to maintain tone.”

“Oh!” replied Vera as she continued to inspect the unassuming toy

“Can you _feel_ that Vera? That’s the weights...rotating inside, now just imagine what they would feel like inside...”

Vera did not seeming particularly impressed by the small, weighted purchase which rested in her hands. She did, however make a promise _not_ to further indulge making purchases while under the influence.

“The fact that this is discreet, more so when compared to any internal toy that vibrates. For instance, Vera, you _could_ be wearing these as you carried out your normal duties and all the while, you’re getting _stimulated_...imagine getting turned on as you run to attend an emergency or when you slot an inmate,” explained Joan with strong conviction and passion in her voice which made Vera wonder if Joan was speaking from experience

“Then, there’s the additional bonus of toning and strengthening your pelvic floor muscles.”

Vera realised what Joan was implying, “Wear these? What _during_ my shift? No, I-I couldn’t possibly...I can’t...”

“Cannot or will not?”

“I-I can’t...” stuttered Vera, answering truthfully

Joan sighed, “You should at the very least _try_ before making a final decision, wouldn’t you agree? Remember this is all for the sake of your _research._ ”

 

She fed Vera the jiggle balls as if they were fat grapes, Joan marvelled at the sight of Vera, “Yes, that’s it!” she praised, “Explore, suck...enjoy.” Encouraged Joan as her voice whispered hoarsely into Vera ear

Vera, if she was perfectly honest felt completely stupid however judging by the lightened tone of Joan’s voice as she positively encouraged Vera, she ignored her thoughts and followed her instructions.

“Now, remove them from your mouth and push them _deep_...as deep as the egg was, you remember don’t you?”

As instructed, Vera removed the lubricated jiggle balls from her mouth and teased the toy over the crotch of her soaked knickers. She peeled back the wet material over to one side, exposing herself then glanced back towards Joan for reassurance.

“Do it!” she ordered harshly, her hands reclaimed their rightful place on either side of Vera’s hips, “Do it, Vera...then I’ll inspect your work, to ensure that you _have_ been paying attention.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Firstly, I apologise for ALL mistakes since it's just past four in the morning here and I did my best.  
> Second, WOW! Thanks to everyone that been reading, leaving comments and kudos.  
> Third, a major shout out...thanks and appreciation to Joansdiary for ping ponging ideas.  
> Fourth, please enjoy x

 

The following day, after what had transpired between herself and Joan, Vera felt in a permanent state of perpetual bliss as she began her shift, obviously distracted with one thing constantly on her mind.

Her content smile and positively glowing aura was evident to her colleagues and inmates who immediately noticed the change in Vera’s demeanour, she appeared to be the cat that had indeed got the cream.

Throughout her shift, Vera strutted confidently through the corridors, carrying out her regular and mundane duties just like any other shift that she had done so far the past number of years however as she walked or indeed moved, she felt the secretly concealed jiggle balls shift deep inside of her. The usual monotonous duties seemed different as with each movement brought on a new sensation which caused a sudden and powerful heat to surge thought her entire body. Vera smiled slyly as she imagined the combination of both their hands against her naked skin, the coarse fabric of Joan’s uniform as Vera leaned against the larger frame for support. Her skin felt as though it were on fire, every nerve ending was alive, electrified with the overwhelming sensations that she was experiencing for the first time.

Vera truly felt alive.

The mouse like Deputy Governor patrolled the corridors with a presence that would barely cause ripples in a calm body of water but with a new found confidence and increased self esteem, inmates and her fellow colleagues did not dare cross her or nodded their head in acknowledgement, for the first time in her career she was content and felt respected.

Vera smirked inwardly as she felt the jiggle balls rotate, she felt as though she had a secret, a kinky naughty little secret that was shared solely between herself and Joan which caused her to swell with pride.

Pride and confidence, something that was not often associated with Vera Bennett but since the arrival of Ms Joan Ferguson as Governor of Wentworth and offering to mentor Vera, her confidence had grown exponentially since being taken under the wing of the Governor. Her mother always felt the need to belittle and verbally pick apart her daughter for all her failings, no matter how trivial however, Vera developed a backbone and was quick to bark at her mother, who was silenced and was utterly shocked by her daughter’s tone but also for the first time in decades that Vera had indeed defended herself from the verbal tirade of insults.

For, the first time, in a _long_ time, Vera could honestly say that she was proud of her, she was _not_ disgusting, she was _not_ wrong and she felt as though she was taking back control of her life.

However, throughout her shifts Vera was conscious of her movements, her hips swayed dramatically as she strutted through the corridors and found herself mentally chastising herself, someone was bound to notice but she was helpless as the jiggle balls created new sensations with each movement and she found herself a slave to her body’s desires and needs. The euphoria was far beyond anything she had experienced, imagined or even have dreamt about.

 

There were numerous occasions that Vera felt the force, drawing her back, drawing her towards the Governor’s office. She was beginning to act like the substance addicted inmates, equally desperate to catch a mere glimpse of Joan especially considering everything that had happened last night however the Governor was not present, in her office or in fact anywhere in the building and according to her secretary, informed Vera that Joan had a rather busy schedule for the next few days.

For Vera, this vital piece of information _did_ help to console her that Joan was not purposely avoiding her.

_The Governor, Ms Ferguson, Joan Ferguson, Joan....just Joan._

Vera’s thoughts were consumed by nothing and no-one else other than this woman who was also her boss, her superior officer and mentor, it would appear that Vera would have to go cold turkey so to speak and rely solely on her memory of the intimidating but equally gently woman which caused her to blush crimson red upon feeling the stirring caused by the jiggle balls.

 

* * *

 

_“Wear these? What, during my shift? No, I-I couldn’t possibly...I can’t...” stuttered Vera, blushing instantly at the thought of doing something so...so out of character_

_Vera felt herself tremble with mixed emotions of excitement, anticipation, uncertainly and anxiety as she slowly pushed the saliva lubricated jiggle balls passed her wet and partly sensitive lips, Vera chewed on her bottom lip and closed her eyes, willing herself to relax and complete the task of successfully inserting the silicon jiggle balls. She felt Joan’s fingers tighten around her hips, perfectly manicured nails began to pinch, becoming increasingly uncomfortable, making her pale skin_

_“Be confident and thorough and I’ll ensure that you reap the rewards of your task.” She whispered against Vera’s ear_

_The thought of the endless possibilities of what these ‘rewards’ could be caused a throaty groan to escape from Vera, her eyes remained closed as she rearranged her underwear neatly then placed her hands over Joan’s which still gripped firmly onto her hips._

_“Now then, let’s inspect your work.”_

_Vera nodded eagerly in agreement, relieved when Joan’s nails were no longer threatening to pierce her skin although half crescent indentations temporarily marked her skin. Joan pulled one of Vera’s hands, their fingers tightly entwined as they had similarly done so earlier on this evening._

_Joan guided Vera’s smaller hand under the elasticated waist line of her black French knickers, abruptly Joan slowed their joint decent which Vera did not approve of as she attempted to rush._

_“Patience...if you rush then I will resist and painfully deny what you so desperately seek after.”_

_Vera thought at this point that she would spontaneously combust, her skin was pink and flushed, secretly she was relieved to have escaped the restrictive constraints of her uniform although Joan, on the other hand appeared to be the exact opposite besides only her hair looking slightly dishevelled as unruly strands of hair dared to have escaped the tight confines of her trademark bun._

_Purposely, to prove her point, Joan led Vera’s hand slowly down before resting against the smoothly shaved pubis mound whilst she captured Vera’s other hand and guided it over the breast of her now heaving chest._

_“Do not be shy, Vera...just imagine your body as an instrument, the more you explore, the more you will be in tuned to its desires and....wants...”_

_But, Vera did not want to be patience nor take the time to carefully explore her own body, she greedily wants, no demanded another spine tingling and toe curling orgasm just like the two previous orgasms that she had experienced under Joan’s direct, skillful fingers and watchful stare._

_Impatiently, Vera rolled her hips as if to prompt Joan into continuing and tugged at her hands in order to finish the decent where the head emanated from between her legs increased, Joan had to have been fully aware of the effects she was having over Vera, unless she was enjoying purposely delaying gratification._

_Vera rolled her hips again but this time, in a deeper motion and with a sense of urgency, Vera felt the weights roll inside of her which created another different and sought after sensation._

_“I-is...w-was t-that?” panted Vera as she felt their hands, fingers entwined decent further towards the palpable heat_

_Joan nodded, her head rested against Vera’s, “Yes, that is the weights rotating inside of the jiggle balls with every single movement, no matter how great or minuscule your movements, the balls will indeed tone and create a new sensation for you.”_

_Vera lulled her hips into a slow, steady rhythm which Joan seemed to approve of since she did not interrupt nor deny Vera and with their free hands, Joan guided Vera’s hand softly over her toned abdomen, creating a wave of goose bumps in the wake of their joint touch before ascending upwards towards her breasts which had been neglected and remained trapped in the lace confines of her black bra. Vera moaned in approval as their fingers circled an erect nipple through the thin material and she shivered, welcoming back the dull throb from between her legs, returned._

_Joan tugged at the bra cup and granted freedom to one modest sized breast then continued to guide Vera’s hands over the protruding nipple, toying and teasing until Joan hastily untangled her fingers from Vera’s, “I will not do everything, it is your research, your body now explore it. I am merely offering assistance.” Her voice was sharp and momentarily brought Vera back to reality_

_Vera shyly glanced down towards her chest and watched as her own hand, tiny by comparison to Joan’s and gently caressed her breast, Joan’s words echoed in her mind about exploring her own body and she suddenly remembered reading somewhere about experimenting with a variety of different touch techniques from smooth and slow to rough and quick with various other suggestions. Vera snared the hardened nipple between her thumb and index finger, gently applying pressure until the pain was too much and then changed her routine as this time she cupped the entire breast and stroked the nipple with her thumb._

_Joan’s free hand came to rest upon Vera’s hip in order to maintain her posture as she needed to stoop slightly but the pace of Vera’s pelvic motion continued to increase and somehow the small framed woman who verged ever closer towards the edge, threw herself hard against Joan, it was completely unexpected and cause Joan to stumble, almost clumsily and landed solidly against the desk, taking Vera with her, who was now practically wedged between Joan’s legs._

_Her jaw jerked angrily, barely able to contain her sudden annoyance, her hand moved from Vera’s hip upwards to her slender neck whilst their joint hands, their entwined fingers were still probed beneath Vera’s underwear, their fingers buried deeply in her core along with the jiggle balls._

_The palm of Joan’s hand rested against the front of Vera’s throat while her fingers easily wrapped around neck, she firmly applied a subtle amount of pressure and pulled Vera closer into her, Joan’s lips grazed her ear, “Control yourself Vera.” She hissed_

_Vera nodded adamantly, not paying any particular attention to Joan’s warning and simply brushed her off and focused solely on the familiar, impending build up as the combination of their fingers with the jiggle balls made Vera feel positively full, she bit hard against her bottom lip as she neared closer towards the edge of yet another release._

_“O-oh, I-I...I, oh god!” Vera cried out, on the brink_

_Suddenly, her thighs clamped tightly together when she felt Joan carefully pulling their fingers out and leaving on the jiggle balls to remain deep inside of Vera, she glanced awkwardly at Joan, who traced small circles on her neck with her nails._

_“No! N-not again...d-don’t deny m-me.” Pleaded Vera_

_“That was not my intention,” she paused and flicked a finger that remained inside of Vera, “However you do run the risk of seriously injuring both our hands...Vera?”_

_Reluctantly, Vera relaxed but felt disappointed as Joan guided their hands out from her, in spite of the sudden feeling of emptiness, Vera presumed that she had inadvertently annoyed or overstepped an unspoken rule and as punishment, Joan was abruptly denying Vera once again however she was confused when she felt her hand being guided over her swollen labia before finally finding the engorged clitoris._

* * *

“Vera...Vera!” called Fletch

She flinched slightly and blushed more so when she discovered that Matthew Fletcher staring at her, he gestured towards his watch to indicate the time and grunted before shrugging his shoulders at her.

“I-I...I’m s-sorry,” stuttered Vera, “I was d-distracted....”

“Well, obviously,” he snipped sarcastically

* * *

 

Vera frowned as she stared with intense concentration at the staff rota that was pinned on the notice board in the staff room, as Deputy Governor, one of her many menial tasks included making up the staff rota which, for the past number of years she had meticulously organised and displayed with at least eight weeks worth of shift patterns in advance for her fellow colleagues.

What initially caused Vera to frown deeply was that she would be working the night shift, granted Vera often volunteered regularly to help with staff shortages however she could not remember nominating herself to cover the impending night shift.

 _‘Odd!’_ she mused

In fact this was not the only odd thing to have gone unnoticed by Vera after all since _that_ particular night in the Governor’s office where a simple friendly conversation and a shared bottle of red wine had then transpired in discovering Vera’s dark secret, Joan’s apparent rescue and therefore preserving Vera’s dignity without her fellow colleagues from finding out and then it turned into...

Well, Vera was not entirely sure what the night had turned into or how to begin to describe how it would certainly result in a change in the dynamics of their working relationship between Governor and Deputy Governor, a complicated friendship or as it had been proposed by Joan, herself, their _arrangement._

As Governor, her mentor and now _friend_...Vera had to laugh at the notion, Joan had demanded unquestionable trust from her faithful and reliable Deputy but Vera feared that it was obviously a one sided commitment, the trust of which was not reciprocated as Vera had rarely seen or spoken to Joan since _that_ night!

Joan continued to be secluded up in her ivory tower, dealing with the monotonous task of never ending paperwork and other mandatory duties that came with the prestigious title of Governor which also demanded her urgent attention, she seldom left her office or had to attend various appointments and meetings, or at least that is what the secretary claimed.

In fact, the more Vera thought about it, the more _it_ all started to make perfect sense! It must have been Joan whom had discreetly made changes to the staff rota and moved Vera into the night shift without so much as consulting her but what frustrated Vera the most was instead of addressing the problem, the elephant in the room, it seemed to be far easier to simply pretend that there was no problem.

 _‘I suppose, out of sight therefore out of mind.’_ Thought Vera bitterly

 

* * *

 

It had been a full week since _that_ night where she and Joan had spent in her office which resulted in three mind blowing orgasms for Vera and an _‘arrangement’_ to further help in the practical aspects of Vera’s personal research that had been offered to by Joan.

Vera could only speculate and assume that Joan had come to her sense and regretted either the suggestion of helping in Vera’s research or what had transpired between them perhaps, upon reflection it was then that Joan realised her mistake and rather than confront Vera, she chose to go to extreme lengths in order to avoid her Deputy Governor.

Vera could count on one hand the number of times that she and Joan had actually spoken to or had even been in the same room as each other, Joan remained the embodiment of professionalism and did not appear to treat Vera any differently from her other subordinates, the Governor remained equally demanding and cold.

They were never alone together, never just the two of them and the topic of conversation was always strictly work related which further fuelled Vera’s frustration as she search Joan’s dark chocolate eyes for a subtle signal that she might not have noticed but like her demeanour, Joan’s eyes reflected back at Vera, was cold. This cast a serious shadow of doubt, was she getting too emotionally involved, infatuated with Joan or with her research?

But, what would happen if she were merely over thinking and dramatising things, making a mountain out of a mole hill for what of a better expression, after all Vera had did everything requested of Joan and what had happened?

Vera felt as though she was being exploited and toyed with at her own expense solely for the dark, twisted humour of the Governor however what _if_ and only if Vera had somehow and completely misunderstood Joan’s behaviour and actions, the question remained would Vera be able to refuse or make up a plausible excuse, to play Joan at her own game should the time come?

She shook her head and turned away from the staff rota. Her weary heart sank heavily.

_‘Stop it, you’re being paranoid...Joan wouldn’t do that....would she?’_

The pitiful thoughts of self pity and confusion regarding Joan Ferguson were momentarily halted when her mobile phone alerted. Vera unlocked her mobile phone and checked her emails.

_‘Please leave review of purchase.’_

Vera smiled, she had learnt from her previous error, making online purchases while under the influence of alcohol however this time, she had invested in a book, something that her mother would not dream of interfering or show the slightest interest in an anonymous parcel shaped like a book.

It had been something Joan had said which had lingered in her thoughts. The jiggle balls were designed to strengthen and tone the pelvic floor muscles but could also help make orgasms more powerful and lasting, if that was at all possible. Vera blushed knowing that she was naive in comparison to Joan but her reading online and helped her greatly to understand the basics so she ordered a book online which would hopefully be better equipped to answer her multitude of questions regarding women’s anatomy of arousal, the truth of female orgasms and the G-spot, which fascinated her the most.

To find a book which incorporated all of these was a challenge but her perseverance and playing the online detective found her the book which incorporated all of these intriguing subjects and would hopefully educated her for the next time she and Joan should....well, she had no idea if there would even be a next time?

After her long and emotional agonising shift, Vera reluctantly returned home, she checked obsessively at her mobile phone in case she had missed a message or phone call from Joan. She secretly prayed that Joan would call her with regards to their _arrangement,_ her research but the screen remained in darkness and Vera felt her heart sink even further as she manoeuvred her car into the driveway.

She yawned, feeling both physically and emotionally drained not only from her currently shift but from the entire week. Vera felt out of sorts but as she glanced towards the front door of the house, she knew she would have to adjust her mask accordingly and maintain a false facade that was worthy of an Oscar award nomination.

Vera entered the house silently and locked the door behind her and leaned against the door, trying to find the momentum needed to pull herself upstairs to her bedroom and carry out her normal nightly routine but her motivation, it seemed was replaced with something else.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, the house was unusually silence and her mother had not yet unleashed her usual cruel verbal triad of insults. The hair on the back of her neck rose as if feeling a sudden apprehension throughout the house, Vera tentatively crept through the hallway, careful to avoid the floorboards that groaned loudly and reached the first step of the mammoth journey towards her bedroom. Her fingers protested as she gripped tightly onto the banister and pulled herself to ascent the mountain of stairs.

“Vera!” called Rita, her voice sounded from the kitchen, “is that you home?”

She froze in mid step, “Um, yeah...I just got in...”

“Good, I’ve just plated up dinner, your favourite...spaghetti carbonara.” Replied Rita

“I-I I’ll just get...changed first.” Answered Vera unsure of her mother’s intentions

 

Vera was certainly surprised, her mother seldom cooked, leaving the meal preparations, cooking and cleaning of for Vera to deal with but tonight, they had a delicious, homemade meal with casual conversation. Vera had initially weary of the meal sensing and knowing her mother as well as she did.

 _‘Kill them with kindness.’_ Thought Vera

However, by the end of the meal and a single glass of white wine, a lovely Pinot Grigio to accompany the meal, Vera had forgotten about her day at work and genuinely enjoyed the evening with her mother.

“How about dessert then?” she asked

Vera shook her head, “Oh, I don’t think I could possibly...”

“Don’t be silly, you can and _must_....it arrived today, you’ll be pleasantly surprised!”

Vera smiled nodded, not wanting to inadvertently cause tension or upset the good mood that her mother appeared to be in by refusing dessert. She gulped down the rest of her wine and rested her chin on the palm of her hand, elbow on the table, until her mother returned.

“Here we go...”

Vera frowned, she realised that her mother had in fact left the kitchen when she spoke about dessert, her mind whirled in confusion. She turned around in the old wooden chair and she saw her mother, her features had contorted into a furious scowl, her fists clenched by her sides until she revealed a book.

“Vera, you are my _only_ child, my daughter...and this...this utter filth, this garbage! I find in _my_ home, you dare to pollute my home with...with this vulgar and grotesque literature? You are....you disgusting little girl!”

Vera’s eyes widened with a mixture of disbelief that her mother would have the audacity to invade her privacy although what else did she actually expect from her mother, the same person who belittled and emotionally abused her.

“Y-y...you opened my mail? B-but that’s mine...t-t...that’s private.” Protested Vera, as she pushed herself from the chair, her cheeks flushed with shame and embarrassment of being discovered

“You live under _my_ roof, this is _my_ home and I won’t have you soil it...with...with...with your unhealthy and disgusting filth! Just....get out of my sight.” Rita rasped

Vera straightened her posture and confidently held out her hand, she may have projected confidence but inside she was shaking and trembling like a lone leaf that clung to the branch of a tree, not willing to part, “Give me back _my_ book.” She demanded coolly

 “I most certainly will not...this garbage belongs with the rest of the _trash..._ in fact...”

Rita opened the book randomly and began to tear handfuls of pages from the book. Crumbled pieces of paper fell chaotically to the tiled kitchen floor. Vera gasped, her limbs froze, paralysed at the crazed sight of her mother destroying a book that was suppose to never have been discovered but also part of her research, to help her better understand her anatomy, types of orgasms and various other things that remained vastly unknown, her naive mind craved more of the forbid fruit of knowledge.

Rita continued on her maddening destruction of her daughter’s book of unadulterated filth.

“Stop it... _Stop it!_ ” shouted Vera as she lunged forward attempting to prevent any further destruction and grabbed the book

Rita, who suffered from arthritis could not maintain grip of the book and therefore Vera was able to wrestle it out of her painful hands. The floor was littered with crumpled pages of her book, the spine of the book bent at an awkward angle. Vera cradled what little remains of the book were intact into her chest, tears threatened but it was not of sadness, she was angry at her mother.

 “How...dare...you.” whispered Vera, finally summoning her voice which cracked as she resisted the show her emotions

“What did you say to me?” quizzed Rita, her eyes narrowed harshly at her daughter

“How dare you...you opened mail addressed to _me_...unacceptable. I’m forty-four for Christ sake and you still treat me as though I were a child.”

“If you continue you act like a spoilt child then I will treat you like one.”

Vera half laughed at the ill logical answer, “No! I work, I pay _more_ than my fair share, I cook, clean...I finish one full time job to begin another shift at home...I have earned the right to have privacy...”

Rita’s jaw clenched tightly, “Your work around here is...is always substandard. I bet you’re equally pathetic at work like you are here...I’m surprised those scum...those lowlifes....prisoners haven’t already realised what a pathetic creature you truly....”

“You’re always resented me!” shouted Vera interrupting her mother, “I have a career whereas you were pregnant and stuck with me at my age...you’ve always blamed me, I was the cause of you needing to give up on your own dreams and a career. Well, I won’t let that happen to me.”

There was a heavy silence between mother and daughter, the tension so thick that it could be cut in half with a knife. Rita cleared her throat and stared coldly up at her daughter before daring to take a step forward, “That’s because no-one wants you.”

Rita turned to walk away from her daughter, the pretence had been exhausting before delivering the humiliating, just desserts.

“No-one wants _me?_ Like mother like daughter it would appear since you drove Dad away...looks like we’re in the same boat...isn’t that right _mother?”_ taunted Vera, aiming straight for the jugular

 

Vera gasped then her cheek began to tingle painfully followed by a rush of heat, slowly with wide water eyes she turned to face her mother, unconscious her hand reached and cradled the side of her face.

The tension filled silence returned as both women stared at each other. Vera had had her fair share of war wounds which was an occupational hazard but she had never been struck by her mother, not ever, that was until now.

“Get...out...of...my...sight.” Said Rita in a low, unapologetic tone

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while!  
> I've been working from extensive notes on my mobile it was just a matter of having spare/free (ha) time to then type onto a word document.  
> Special thanks goes out to JoansDiary, creative consultant and epic ping pongage with idea!  
> Another special thank you to everyone that's taken the time to read, review and leave kudos, I appreciate it  
> Pardon any/all spelling and grammar mistakes, I am human after all
> 
> Enjoy

 

 

_At first, Vera thought she was falling._

_Free falling towards sweet oblivion and screwed her face, her eyes squeezed tightly as she awaited the painful impact._

_But nothing happened._

_Slowly, Vera opened her eyes to find that the darkness of the deepest abyss completely surrounded her. It was the strangest of sensations, it felt as though she were treading water, coolness bathed her but her clothes remained fully dry, her fingers felt around her, even her skin was dry._

_She floated in the ink blackness; fully immersed in bleak nothingness where she slowly realised that there was no escape. Her chest ached as a bone crushing, invisible weight pressed against her; the force prevented Vera from breathing, the pressure intensified as her heart raced while the crippling claustrophobia rendered her helpless._

_“It’s all in your head...it’s all in your head! You need to wake up...wake up!” murmured Vera, becoming aware that she dreaming_

_“Talking to yourself, are you Vera? First sign of madness isn’t it?”_

_Vera cowered as she felt the putrid warmth breath against the side of her face, she trembled like a leaf in the bitter Winter wind, the last one clinging onto a twig. Vera forced herself not to raise her head instead she focused upon her hands that fidgeted on her lap. She refused to acknowledge her mother’s prescience but even in her dreams, reality or mind, Rita had a powerful hold over her daughter and this was nothing different._

_“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Rita snipped_

_Vera found herself mindlessly obeying her mother despite the inner turmoil and conflict and wished that she could defy the demanded woman but silently her head slowly raised and met the cold, grey stare of her mother._

_Rita stood looming over Vera, her features always scowling disapprovingly, her tongue clicked loudly against the teeth, tutting at the pathetic sight of the timid daughter, who lacked any form of a backbone._

_“I’ve often wondered where I went wrong with you,” began Rita, spraying droplets of saliva as she spoke, “I never raised you to be that way...are you satisfied with yourself now? Is this some sort of payback or revenge against me?” she demanded_

_Viciously, her arthritic fingers gripped and curled around Vera’s chin and forced her head upwards. Rita empty grey eyes stared intently at her daughter as if inspecting her._

_"You’ve never appreciated the sacrifices that I made for us...for you! And this is how you repay me?”_

_Rita gave one final squeeze then snatched back her hand as if it was diseased or that Vera was contagious with something. The corner of her lips curled, to form a sneer._

_“It’s that damned book...that filthy, disgusting book. A complete waste of paper that it’s printed on if you ask me, such vulgarity that it makes me sick. It’s not normal, it’s disgusting and clearly its left a lasting impression on you hasn’t it? Fuelling your imagination, tricking you into thinking that this would be acceptable...well, you’re sadly mistaken if you ever thought for a split second that I would allow this...literature into my home!”_

_Vera felt her bottom lip tremble as she was powerless to stop the verbal tirade against her. All Vera ever wanted was her mother’s approval and as for the book, well that had been to help with her growing curiosity._

_“Whilst you live under my roof then you’ll abide by my rules!”_

_Rita circled Vera, her eyes inspecting and finding fault with absolutely everything with her daughter, the daughter that was supposed to have been a boy._

_“And don’t think that I don’t know what vile things you’ve been harbouring on that mobile phone contraption...you truly are a filthy little girl!”_

_Vera closed her eyes, her hands covered her face. She would do anything to escape this nightmarish hell, why her sub-consciousness was purposely torturing her like this, she wished she knew._

_“You know that I still keep praying for you...in private, of course...I can’t have the ladies at the church or my bridge club discovering my daughter’s abnormal illness...her...her unspeakable hobbies and perverse lifestyle choices...” Rita winced at the mere thought_

_Vera desperately wanted to speak up, to defend herself or find the courage and serve up a generous just dessert to her mother but the opportunity never presented itself, the adrenaline caused her well rehearsed speeches to get jumbled as Vera attempted to practice silently in her mind._

_“You know that no-one will ever want you!” Rita sighed as she rounded and resumed her place, directly in front of Vera, “Those child bearing hips and empty womb is wasted on you, gone to ruin...never to provide me with any prospect of grandchildren, you truly are selfish, Vera.”_

_Rita stepped closer, a shadow cast over Vera, more darkness._

_“I’ve had to pretend and lie whenever the ladies ask me about you. They all talk about you, in hushed whispers and when you’re careless and the truth comes spilling out...your revolting little secret is finally discovered then everyone will talk about you...they’ll say, ‘There goes the forty year old virgin that still lives with her mother, with no friends, no life...just work, work, work.’”_

Vera woke in a frenzied, sweaty panic. She fumbled blindly in the dark for her mobile phone and put on the touch, the bright light illuminated the small bedroom. She was alone and safe, her mother lurked somewhere on the other side of the door and not in her thoughts as her consciousness dispelled the nightmare version of Rita however Vera did not fully trust herself to fall asleep, fearing that that the she would be haunted by her mother, who even in her nightmares took sadistic delight in berating and belittling her daughter.

 

* * *

 

Vera stifled another yawn against the back of her hand before returning to nursing her cup of strong, milky coffee whilst her other hand cradled her mobile phone, reading similar topics that the paperback book would have covered but unfortunately had been destroyed by her mother.

It had been just over a week since Rita had discovered the book that Vera had ordered, invaded her privacy and bitter words had been exchanged between both of them. Rita and Vera never did have a conventional mother/daughter relationship, the loving bond that was often depicted on television and movies of what and how a _normal_ mother/daughter relationship was supposed to be and in a fantasy world; they all lived happily ever after.

There had always been an unexplained barrier which even Vera’s counsellor was at a loss to explain, not without speaking to Rita, herself, when Vera sought after professional help in order to better understand and potentially help in eventually having a normal relationship with her mother but it was just another failed attempted on Vera’s part and it remained a figment of her imagination to have that special bond with her mother. Vera, the inner child that desperately wanted to reconnect and be comforted was instead gently hushed into silence, abandoned in a corner of her sub-consciousness, too many years of emotional abuse, blackmail and neglect had taken place that their nonexistent bond could _ever_ be repaired.

“You doing another double shift?” asked Linda, her voice disturbed Vera from her thoughts

Vera rubbed her heavy eyes and carefully shielded her mobile phone from the prying eyes of Linda or anyone else who should enter the staff-room. Vera nodded rather tiredly then forced a lop-sided smile, “Yeah.”

“You really _are_ dedicated, Vera. I’ll give you that.”

Linda proceeded to collect her jacket and personal belongings before securing her locker and then nodded her head at Vera as she departed.

Vera sipped tentatively from her coffee cup then glanced down at the mobile phone screen, it was severely tempting to continue reading but the more she concentrated, the more the words on the screen blurred as her eyes watered, threatening to escape. Vera was not an attractive crier, her face often flushed and went blotchy, watery and blood-shocked eyes and her nose would be like an uncontrollable dam which would then invite a barrage of questions and concerns from her colleagues.

Angrily and out of frustration, she mentally cursed herself and refocused her efforts to concentrate, roughly wiping the tears from her face with the sleeve of her uniform jacket.

 _‘Just finish this chapter.’_ She thought

But as soon as Vera resumed her reading, she felt her throat constrict and instantly dry, able to hear her mother’s shrill voice echoing in her thoughts, with her ongoing nightmares which featured her mother, Vera was conflicted whether or not she should continue with her personal research, she could not begin to imagine what her mother’s reaction would be like if she _had_ learnt of the sordid secrets which lurked on Vera’s mobile phone but thankfully it was password protected.

In the aftermath of Rita discovering what _type_ of literature Vera had ordered, she purposely worked absurdly long hours in order to avoid the need to be home, knowing that her mere presence would only provoke and inadvertently anger her mother. Vera had the convenient and plausible excuse of her work being short staffed, or offering of overtime or unable to get a shift swap and briefly avoidance was the answer.

Rita did always have the uncanny ability to undermine Vera, a finely tuned skill of surgically dissecting her daughter’s fragile confidence and self-esteem although whilst at work Vera attempted to overcompensate and project a false facade, she often pretended when she was on shift that she was performing in some play and if she played her part well enough then her colleagues would suspect nothing.

Although, it was a saddening thing to realise that Vera was so well rehearsed in the same monotonous script, perfected the use of her mask that her colleagues overlooked her or did not pay much attention, it was a sad existence until Governor Joan Ferguson arrived at Wentworth.

Vera brushed away that thought as she gulped the last dreads of her coffee and locked away her mobile phone in her locker before conducting a patrol of a facility. The lingering image of Governor Ferguson, Joan, who had demonstrated that her reading and personal research was nothing to be ashamed about, in fact it was she who told Vera that it was normal despite her own hesitation but she dismissed this and focused on her duties as Deputy Governor. It was only typical that anything remotely enjoyable or positive would prematurely end and that was the case between herself and Joan.

Vera, no longer knew where she stood and as for their _arrangement,_ she was convinced that Joan regretted mixing business with pleasure, it was painfully obvious whenever they were together in the same room, seldom alone together as Vera desperately search for a secretly yet subtle signal but her heart sank further when she was coolly dismissed.

 

* * *

 

In Joan’s or rather in the absence of the Governor then the daily operations and overall smooth running of Wentworth then feel to the second in command, the Deputy Governor, her shoulders already heavily burdened but look a foot soldier in the trenches, she would assume control temporarily.

Her duties and priorities were extended and there was much more than simply patrolling the corridors to demonstrate and remind the inmates exactly who was in charge of this facility. The tedious tasks of maintain and balancing a fair staff rota, juggling the budget for foodstuffs and overtime and the other managerial tasks that were now Vera’s problem as well as a prison full of criminals but also the strong personalities that helped to guard and maintain order.

Vera found herself catapulted back to that night in Joan’s office, reminiscing of the tiniest of details; it was sexual frustration for Vera as everything seemed to remind her of Joan. She mentally chastised herself for the obsessive thoughts which always featured them back in the familiar setting of the office, just the two of them, locked in the office.

In order to satisfy her _need_ , Vera was willing to even deal with Joan’s efficient but equally sarcastic secretary that allowed her to steal brief glances into the office which rested in darkness and was otherwise empty but it was not enough.

Perhaps, it had been Vera that chased Joan away and caused this awkward tension. Her mind panicked at the thought, had Joan been disgusted by her lack of experience or was she too clingy? Vera chewed nervous on a ragged fingernail; if only there was a chance that they could talk without the interruptions of medical emergencies, potential clashes of gangs or their colleagues who chose _that_ particular time to disturb them.

There were times when Vera wanted to scream in frustration, she was surrounded by incompetence.

 

* * *

 

“It’s nearing the end of the financial year, the Governor of Wentworth has _always_ attended the annual seminar,” stated the no nonsense secretary who was referring to the previously appointed Governors, Meg Jackson and Erica Davidson, “I’d assumed you knew this already...you know, being the Deputy Governor and all...”

Vera bit hard down on the inside of her cheek in order to remain impassive, her heart swelled at the prospect that she had _not_ inadvertently caused offence or that Joan had come to regret what they had shared in the office, she had simply been too busy and it was understandable that her priorities had shifted hence unable to raise the subject of their _arrangement._

To learn that Joan was not purposely avoiding her rekindled Vera’s dwindling hope and immediately she wanted to rush back to her locker, retrieve her mobile phone and resume her research however Vera’s priorities had changed and she was overseeing the everyday running of Wentworth, she could not simply selfishly abandoned her duties, in fact she would be seen as a failure if she allowed personal feelings and circumstances to cloud her professional judgement.

“I-I...it must’ve slipped my mind...” blurted Vera, who resisted the urge to slap her own  forehead for producing such a half-heartedly and translucent excuse; she dropped the documents that were to be filed away on the desk and made a hasty departure

As Vera marched with renewed purpose and confidence, she could not help but feel like a traitor, betraying Joan. The fact that this was the second time that Vera had seriously questioned and doubted Joan, failing to trust her when Joan, had invested a certain level of trust in Vera and appeared not to be second guessing herself about this decision. Why could Vera not reciprocate the same level of trust without suspicious and paranoid thoughts ever present at the back of her mind?

 

* * *

 

Joan was forced to attend the annual seminar which was unfortunately for her to learn as she waited in line to check into her room that it was mandatory. She snorted, no doubt this weekend long event had been the brain child of some corporate pen pusher and that she, as well as fellow Governors from neighbouring and from over the country in addition to the numerous members of the Governing Board of Directors for Corrections was also in attendance.

Her precious time was being squandered here, in the middle of nowhere of significance when she could be either back home or at work, otherwise using her time much more productively as she waited tiredly in line after an exhausting trip, her flight had been delayed which added to frustration and need to shower, to wash the filth of travelling from her.

When Joan eventually stepped over the threshold of her hotel suite, she closed then leaned against the door, welcoming to coolness as the air conditioning maintained a comfortable temperature. It had been the last remaining suite that had not been reserved and she adamantly refused to spend _any_ length of time stuck in a shoe box sized hotel room. The suite, itself had been a small expense but she wanted to feel as though she was home. The essentials were high quality, provided by the hotel but in booking a suite meant that there were additional extras at her disposal but what Joan admired was the level of privacy, that itself was sacred to Joan. The suites were separated from the main part of the hotel by a secured corridor which meant only guests staying in the suits had access to and then there was the added bonus of each suite being soundproofed.

 

* * *

 

“Vera, this is _not_ a request, I _need_ those documents...” Joan exhaled loudly, exasperated by her own incompetence and actually needing to explain the importance of said documents to Vera; she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“How I could have been so careless is another matter. Vera...I-I need...your assistance,” Joan swallowed, reluctant to the admission of requiring help from anyone, “I need you to bring those files here.”

“But...Jo...I mean...umm...Governor, that’s at least a day’s worth of travelling and that’s if I were to somehow get a direct flight within the next few hours.”

“Vera!” demanded Joan, there was a fiery tone in her voice which instantly prevented further protesting from Vera, “Do you think we would be having this conversation if I did not require those documents?”

“Alright, alright,” barked Vera in response to Joan’s unnecessary sarcasm

There was a brief, pregnant pause between both of them over the phone; both were equally stunned by Vera’s outburst.

“Well?” pushed Vera, suddenly feeling confident and continued with the momentum, “I’ll need the details if I’m going to be playing a glorified courier for _you._ ”

Joan clenched her jaws together, unappreciative of being address in such an aggressive manner especially from _her,_ “Ha!”

 

* * *

 

Vera sat nervously at the window seat as she waited for the plane to takeoff, she was not particularly fond of flying and could count on one hand the amount of times she had been on a plane. In her absence, Will Jackson had been left in charge and she rearranged the staff rota to allow for her absence to be covered, granting overtime to Fletch who had previously been complaining of the lack of overtime offered his way. It also was odd when Fletch winked at her, again and was overly familiar when thanking her for the offer of overtime; she shrugged and did not think anything else of it.

She was lucky that her mother was not home, no doubt at church volunteering when Vera knew fine well that her mother had, what could be called a schoolgirl crush or admiration for the friendly priest. Vera dashed madly around her small bedroom as she rid herself of her prison issued uniform and threw together a few item of clothing and packed a toothbrush in her travel bag, preparing for the worst case scenario of being delayed in the airport and not forgetting the most valued item in her possession was the documents that Joan urgently needed. Vera did snicker as she drove towards the airport of how Joan could have possibly forgotten said documents after all she had witnessed the Governor’s obsessive need for organisation and planning.

 _‘To err is human, she’s not a robot....god, I know she’s not.’_ Thought Vera, her fingers tightened around the armrests of the seat as the engines erupted

 

* * *

 

“Vera,” greeted Joan as she opened the suite door, “Come in...Can I get you something?”

“Coffee, please...I could use the caffeine hit.”

“I appreciate you, as you stated earlier...’playing courier’.” Quoted Joan handed Vera a cup of steaming coffee

“The folder is on the desk.” Stated Vera, nursing the steaming cup and frowned quizzically, how did Joan know how she took her coffee?

“Thank you, Vera...I appreciate you doing this.” Said Joan, her tone noticeably lighter and genuinely thankful

Vera simply shrugged, brushing off a rarely earned compliment or acknowledgement from the Governor, instead she reached into her cardigan pocket and pulled out her mobile phone, “What’s the wifi password? I need to check the times for return flights.”

“Of course, here.” Replied Joan handing Vera the information that was hotel issued for all guests, “I’d have thought you would have book a return flight when booking to fly out here.”

Vera put down her cup of coffee on the small table beside her, not noticing the coaster, “There were issues at this side...a technical failure which has a domino effect, the priority is for those who were already booked and for those on standby....then there’s a rumour of a strike...but the companies involved are confident it won’t come to anything.”

“Good luck.” Replied Joan, distracted by the contents of the folder.

Joan turned her attention from Vera and to her laptop which was already set up at the desk with various other files and documents. She began to rearrange and organise her portfolio and resumed adjusting the details of her PowerPoint presentation, her fingers glided seamlessly over the keyboard as she typed furiously as if attempting to make up for the time she had lost while waiting on Vera to arrive although her time had been used productively as she read and completed her novel which was suffice to say satisfactory then meditated to the soothing sounds of classical music from the selected playlist.

 

Vera threw her mobile phone in blinding anger, she had wanted to deliver the documents and quickly depart but unfortunately that no longer appeared to be an opinion at the moment. The offending object clattered against the skirting board and finally rested on the thick carpeted floor while she tried to maintain her cool, calm exterior.

“Is something wrong, Vera?” asked Joan as she remained sat at her desk, busy typing and including new information into her presentation

“Yes!” she snipped only to immediately wince at the harshness of her tone, “No...I-I I mean...”

Joan saved her work and closed the laptop, she turned her attention from the desk and neat bundles of organised paperwork and walked over to the fridge, “There’s a choice of gin, vodka or white wine?” offered Joan

Vera relaxed back in the chair, unsure it would be wise at all to have a drink, she _had_ to make travel arrangements, an alternative but the trip to get here had been exhausting not to mention an unscheduled stop as a fellow passenger collapsed and required medical assistance, this added a few hours onto her travelling. Vera had never been much of a drinker and therefore her tolerance of alcohol was exceedingly low although she had travelled halfway across the country, it was the least Joan could do was to offer her a drink.

She sighed and gave in, “Fine then, I’ll have a gin and make it a strong one.”

Joan discarded the coffee and despite a coaster not being used, there was no coffee stain upon the small table. Joan sorted both their drinks, pouring vodka into a tall glass for herself.

She retrieved the mobile phone and with Vera’s drink offered both to her

“Thank you.” Replied Vera in a mousy voice

Vera took the glass from Joan first and greedily gulped at the liquid then coughed, “That’s a strong measure that you’ve poured.” Complained Vera

“You did ask for a _strong_ one...I merely granted your request.”

Vera reached up for her mobile phone, her fingers tips grazed Joan’s which caused an electric impulse to shoot throughout her entire body, the slightest touch had a dizzying and overwhelming effect over her. Vera felt her heart flutter, skipping several beats.

As, her fingers curled around the coolness of the mobile phone, Vera’s eyes widened slightly when she felt the warmth caress of Joan’s thumb on her hand, nether woman making an effort to take or hand back the mobile phone.

Joan cleared her throat, “It appears to be in working order...although I suspect it’s against the manufacturer’s instructions.”

 

* * *

 

Vera was caught between a rock and a hard place and the inner conflict had been brewing for days.

Her mother and her colleague, Rita and Joan.

Her breath hitched as she felt Joan’s hand swept against her hip, Vera watched as Joan’s hand followed the waistline of her casual trousers, part of her had missed this, the effect of Joan’s skillful hands and how her body responded naturally to her touch like a musician finely tuning their instrument with great concentration and precision.

Vera found her eyes wandering, catching sight of herself in the mirror and saw Joan standing behind her. Their eyes locked and a silent battle of intense staring ensued. Joan’s fingers effortlessly popped open the single button then slowly peeled down the zip of Vera’s trousers. An indistinguishable sound emitted from her parted lips, Joan found herself smiling, the sight of her features were partly obscured by Vera’s tussled hair.

Her hand reached Vera’s underwear, the thin material that was the only barrier which prevented her dexterous fingers from reaching her goal, her conquest. The heat radiated from her crotch, internally Vera felt herself twitch as she hungrily welcomed back Joan’s touch similar to how an addict welcomed back the hit which inevitably led to an indescribable high.

Vera’s head lulled, she opened her eyes and looked at the mirror. She gasped in horror, the strangled sound lodged in her throat, Rita stood in the background with her arms folded, shaking her head disapprovingly.

_“Disgusting...how could you do this to me? My only child, my daughter...is a lesbian!”_

Vera shook her head adamantly attempting to dispel the image of her enraged mother, her trembling hands gripped tightly onto both of Joan’s wrists, “No!”

She pushed Joan’s hands off from her as if offended then hastily fumbled to redo her trousers. Her eyes watered, tears brimming on the edge, the slightest touch or kind words would cause the fragile dam to burst which could barely contain her conflicting emotions.

Vera was not brave enough to even risk looking up at Joan.

“Vera?” asked Joan, in a dry husky voice, she attempted to reach out for Vera only to witness the smaller woman back away from her as if frightened

“I-I...we c-can’t...I can’t do _this!_ It was wrong a-and...stupid...I’m just a-a...disgusting little girl.” She choked quoting the exact same words of her mother, imitating her, “I’m...nothing but...I’m just a-a freak...a freak of nature! I-I shouldn’t have...never have involved you or...I-I...you can expect my letter of resignation...”

“Vera!” called Joan, quickly grabbing her arm to prevent an emotional and abrupt departure from her hotel suite

Joan pulled Vera back from over the threshold of the door that caused Vera stumbled over her ankle, blinded by angry, disappointing and emotional tears. She was still able to hear her mother’s spiteful words etched permanently in her mind and _now_ she was humiliating herself further in front of her boss nonetheless.

Joan swallowed the fast forming lump upon hearing _that_ word, “No, Vera...you’re _not_ a freak!” the word alone caused her to almost choke, fresh bile threatened to rise, “I understand if you don’t want to continue with our _arrangement...._ ”

Joan’s arms awkwardly wrapped protectively around Vera, at first she resisted and struggled only to realise that her pathetic attempts to somehow overpower Joan and escape were futile. The sound of Vera’s muffled cries escape and only caused Joan to hold onto her tighter, willing to squeeze whatever poison Vera’s mother had forced fed her out.

“Your mother cannot harm you...not anymore.” She whispered soothingly in order to calm Vera, “She cannot possibly hurt you now...you’re safe and you’re here! I’ll protect you...I’ll...”

Her voice caught abruptly in her throat which constricted sharply and prevented any further words from escaping. The corner of her lip twitched, Joan had nearly tempted fate by repeating the same words, the same speech, the false and hollowed promise made all those years ago to Jianna, only to discover her lifeless body and which caused Joan to erect an impenetrable wall, she could not be hurt if she did not allow anyone beyond her defences.

As quickly as her memory recreated the image of the lifeless body of Jianna in her arms while she screamed for help, Joan felt something jar her from her thoughts and back to the present time. Joan swallowed nervously and forced herself to remain emotionally intact, in complete control of the situation.

“Vera?”

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual rules apply  
> Thanks for ALL the support, beware of typos, etc (I apologise in advance if you guys find any)  
> Appreciate feedback :D  
> Massive thanks to my wonderful assistant/creative consultant joansdiary, take a bow!

 

 

“Vera?” repeated Joan, somewhat confused and bewildered by the sudden unresponsiveness from Vera, she cocked her head to the side to observe the smaller woman in her arms

Vera, remained pressed firmly into Joan’s chest, wrapped cosily in Joan’s embrace. The silence that filled the hotel suite was moderately comforting and yet awkward at the same time, if that was at all possible to achieve.

The pained muffed sobbing had ceased as Vera eventually succumbed then limply fell against Joan’s chest, neither able to fight or escape from Joan’s powerful embrace against Vera’s will then securely held that way until she calmed down. Joan clutched desperately at straws, a frantic bid to keep Vera here and console her in the best way that she could.

In her arms the somewhat minuscule creature that was her timid Deputy Governor grew heavier before the realisation dawned on Joan, Vera was in fact unconscious. The smaller, younger woman had been walking a tight rope of stress and expectations only to have finally fallen off and without a safety net or harness to prevent the quick decent into the darkened abyss below. Her emotional state of mind combined with the additional stress of managing the prison, exhausted last minute then delayed travelling with the three double measures of gin that she asked for and greedily knocked back had _all_ conspired against her and now Vera was peacefully sleeping, supported in the protective arms of Joan.

It was the same protected arms that help Vera remain upright and prevented her from collapsing onto the carpeted floor, a similar situation of how Joan had held Vera when they were both in her office and had prevented Vera from ungracefully falling into an undignified heap on the floor as Vera was lost in a state of perpetual orgasmic bliss.

Joan adjusted then gathered the unconscious form of Vera up into her arms, sweeping her from her feet like a Groom would do for his bride on their wedding day, hardly any effort was required on Joan’s part as she took a step then paused.

She briefly contemplated where was the best location to deposit Vera who remained unfazed and unaware, nestled in Joan’s arms. There was a sofa bed that would take only a matter of minutes to set up and make or in the adjoining room, there was a king sized bed.

She chose the latter, the comfortable king sized bed with the luxurious Egyptian cotton sheets and goose feathered stuffed pillows would be a treat for Vera, after all she _had_ spent a majority of the day either in an aeroplane or an airport environment in order to act as a courier and personally, hand deliver the forgotten and urgently needed documents.

Joan delicately laid Vera down onto the king sized bed which made her appear to be a tiny doll in comparison to the impressive sized bed and acres of empty space that surrounded her, naturally Vera moved in her sleep, rolling slightly onto her side.

Hesitantly, Joan positioned herself, perched on the edge of the bed and attentively removed Vera’s shoes and socks but suddenly she stopped the thoughtful task of preparing Vera for bed was interrupted as Joan looked down at her hand to witness her fingers automatically curled around Vera’s dainty ankle.

Vera’s skin naturally felt warm and deliciously soft to touch, there was no doubt in Joan’s mind that as part of Vera’s nightly routine, she would moisturise her legs...her body.

It was her thumb that caressed Vera’s shin, slowly inching upwards towards the border between her naked leg and the hem of her linen trousers that caused Joan to hesitate. God, how she desperately wanted to allow herself to continue upwards and _feel_ Vera, the smoothness of her leg beneath her now trembling but something, in the back of her mind prevented her hand for journeying further upwards. The coarse linen trousers scraped against her knuckles was in complete contrast to the innocent and supple skin of Vera’s tanned leg.

Until Joan had arrived and darkened the doorway of Wentworth prison, it was difficult for her to recall the last time when she had had the privilege of someone else’s touch, their skin or body beneath her own hands. Joan could only definitely remember feeling her own hands against herself when she religiously exfoliated in the shower, rigorously removing the dead skin cells from her body.

She ignored the barrier of Vera’s trousers, her hand ascending. The overwhelming urge and _need_ to satisfy her growing curiosity, would the rest of Vera’s leg be as smooth and as welcoming?

Joan stifled a low emitting animalistic sound that escaped from her throat as her hand stopped, rested against Vera’s defined and muscular calf. Her confidence increased, no longer hesitant with her touch as she softly traced the smooth skin. Her touch remained gentle as not to risk inadvertently disturbing Vera from her drunken slumber and briefly, Joan allowed herself to close her eyes, savouring the moment.

It was like touching warm silk, she felt herself growing increasingly warm, her face flushed pale pink while her racing heartbeat pulsated in her ears, perhaps it was the temptation and risk of being caught in an unexplainable and compromising position with her hand halfway up Vera’s trousers or the notion that it had been so long since Joan had touch anyone intimately obviously with the expectation of Vera and the beginning of their ‘arrangement’ in her office.

Joan’s lips pressed firmly together as she inhaled deeply through her nose in order to regain control and calm her racing heart and equally racing mind and imagination as chaotic thoughts swirled and threatened to push her into uncharted territory then a dangerous thought nearly caused her panic and throw Vera’s leg away from her lap, what _would_ the rest of Vera’s body feel like, equally if not more deliciously smooth, how would Vera body feel against her own or even underneath her?

There was a fluttering sensation which emanated from deep in the pit of her stomach, the sudden feeling of exhilaration, of secret excitement but before she got too carried away and lost her sense of control, Joan forced herself to open her eyes. She forced herself to swallow the dry lump that had quickly formed.

Joan _had_ to remain in control and _not_ get emotionally involved with Vera; emotions would only lead to mistakes.

No sooner had the thought flooded back, instilled in her religiously by her father that Vera shifted slightly, a limp hand raised itself and rubbed her tired features, thankfully her eyes remained closed. Joan snatched back her hand, the horrifying thought of being caught, discovered did not outweigh the potential feelings of ridiculed or rejected, after all Vera had pushed her away and it could easily happen again but Joan was not prepared to allow history to repeat itself.

Joan cleared her throat, reminding herself of the necessary task although she or rather they were in a hotel seeing, in her suite, she still felt bound as hostess to ensure that Vera, her guest was at the very least comfortable and with meticulous detail Joan placed Vera’s shoes neatly at the end of the bed and tucked a sock into each of her shoes before resuming to the task of readying Vera for bed and awkwardly removed the pale avocado green cardigan.

Vera did not waken nor stir although Joan did notice that beneath closed eyelids, her eyes rolled back and forth as if to indicate Vera was deep in the REM cycle of sleep. Joan brought over the thick Egyptian cotton duvet and tucked Vera under the covers, similarly like a mother would bid their child goodnight or a significant other looking after their ill spouse.

She lingered in the doorway, her hand hovered above the light switch but there was a beckoning, a gravitational pull which prevented Joan from leaving, from escaping into the other room, to keep a wall separating them as they both slept. It was an alien concept to Joan as this foreign sensation that she had _never_ experienced before held such a power over her.

Joan reluctantly glanced over her shoulder and found that she could not possibly leave Vera, her precious and always dependable Deputy Governor.

 

A small waste paper bin had been placed by the side of the bed as an improvised sick bucket should Vera not be able to make the en suite bathroom in time, a bottle of sparkling water with a strip of painkillers and nausea medication rested on the bedside table, primed to neutralise the beginnings of a hangover depending on what time Vera would wake up and if she could in fact stomach taking the tablets that Joan had prepared for her.

Joan took this rare opportunity, a luxury to silently observe the sleeping form of Vera and was intrigued by her; this was another side to Vera that she was seeing as Joan had the power to watch over her while at work courtesy of the CCTV cameras.

The feeling itself was something that Joan had long worked to suppress, buried deep down and blatantly refused to address. Joan risked aggravating the inner perfectionist and harsh critic, she did not want to appear weak by admitting, showing and expressing her feelings and emotions but as time went on, the energy needed to maintain the toughened facade and impenetrable walls where slowly decaying and eroded causing it to becoming increasingly difficult to remain alone.

Her body refused to comply with her simple commands, to leave Vera, to leave the bedroom and sleep on the sofa bed but instead against her better judgement, she found herself rounding towards the other side of the bed and from there switched off the light. Both women were now consumed by the surrounding darkness.

Joan tentatively crawled onto the bed, cautious not to disturb Vera as she laid herself down on the bed and then rolled onto her side. The eerie glow from the fat full moon illuminated and poured in through the window where Joan was able to admire Vera’s relaxed features from nature’s nocturnal light.

Vera’s breathing was deep and regular, creating a sense of calmness as if she were concentrating while meditating. Joan focused intently, staring uninterrupted at Vera, envious that a peaceful slumber was effortlessly achieved for her, sober or otherwise.

The steady sound of her breathing was hypnotic and Joan finally admitted to herself that she did not want to leave or need to sleep in separate room and once again, her currently predicament caused her mind to whirl into further chaos, torn and conflicted about what she wanted and how she _had_ to be.

Joan shook her head to dislodge the thoughts and resumed her focus on Vera’s breathing, staying where _it_ felt oddly comfortable and somewhat familiar.

Slowly, Joan was unable to resist and right the powers of sleep as her own eyes closed.

 

* * *

 

_‘It’s because you’re special! But I’ll protect you, I promise.’_

_Those had been the last words that she had spoken to, in hushed whispers to Jianna so that none of the other inmates would overhear their conversation and Joan had meant every single word. She would protect her to ensure her safety and protect her from the other inmates as there had been slanderous lies and rumours circulating like wildfire around the population of the inmates of a hinted friendship between a prisoner and a screw which was practically forbidden._

_Jianna remained emotional, naturally heartbroken that her body boy had been forcibly taken from her and would be placed into care but Joan had promised to talk to the necessary people in the right places to help get Jianna her baby back and provide evidence that would prove that despite her past mistakes and serving a prison sentence that she was in fact a good, decent mother and was a sober, drug-free inmate. It was not ideal but the best place for the baby was to be with his mother._

_She had hope._

_Joan felt her breath hitch in her throat, her hair on the back of her neck stood and her mouth watered, she felt sick at the sight of a silhouette of a body against the uneven wall._

_No! It couldn’t be! No, not Jianna, her Jianna, anyone else but not here!_

_Jianna’s limp body rested clumsily in Joan’s arms. Her breathing panicked, a crushing weight bear down against her chest, she felt like she was suffocating then she screamed._

_She screamed herself hoarse in an attempt to attract attention, to get help. She screamed in agony as she had failed Jianna, breaking her promise to protect her._

_Her head lulled over to one side in Joan trembling arms, her screams went unanswered, no-one including inmates or colleagues ran to her aid, something was indeed, very wrong!_

_Joan looked down and instead of the image of Jianna’s still body, cradled in her was Vera. Her pale blue, doe wide eyes stared emptily up at Joan, devoid of any signs of life._

_It had happened whenever Joan got too close to someone or allowed someone into her life, her inner sanctum then fate or some unknown and greater power would take this away from her, a chance to experience happiness, normality was shattered like a mirror, it was always just an illusion._

_‘I’ll protect you.’_

_Those three little words that Joan spoke, deep from her heavily concealed heart, she had meant them but could never fulfil nor keep her promise. Her father had been right, after all this time...Emotions always, inevitably lead to mistakes._

_‘If you’ve failed one then you’ll fail another,’ whispered the cruel tormenting words that lurked somewhere in the deepest and darkest recesses of her mind._

* * *

 

Joan woke suddenly, gasping for air. She glanced at Vera who remained completely unaware and oblivious to what was happening right beside her.

_‘I’ll protect you.’_

Joan remembered she had repeated those three words whilst consoling Vera but what if Vera had heard this or worst yet, would remember this, would this momentary lapse in judgement make her believe that Joan had or was even beginning to develop feelings for her?

Joan _had_ to remain coolly objective, to repress and ignore whatever feelings or attachments were potentially developing, after all this could cause Vera to reconsider their _arrangement,_ Joan remained largely uncertain of where she stood regarding said arrangement. Vera’s outburst earlier in front of the mirror when she pushed Joan away, rejecting her had caused old wound to resurface although was it _really_ Vera or had she been coerced by her mother, manipulated in some way?

It was obvious from what little information Joan had learnt from Vera that her mother was capable of instilling fear into her daughter in order to control her. Joan’s jaw tightened at the thought of the meddlesome creature that was Rita Bennett.

Joan’s thoughts were interrupted when she felt the mattress move as Vera fidgeted in her sleep; her eyes widened and held her breath at the prospect of being discovered. Vera groaned in her sleep and then rolled over onto her stomach. The subtle scent of Vera’s shampooed hair created a small twitch in Joan’s upper lip, nearly forming, what would be a smile.

_‘I must remain objective, emotions lead to mistakes.’_


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual rules apply!  
> Pardon any grammar/spelling mistakes, please leave feedback and kudos - much appreciated!  
> Apologies for the timely delay but real life, needing to adult and struck with a block didn't help much :(  
> Enjoy x

 

 

Vera rubbed then opened her heavy, swollen eyelids only to immediately regret this as the early morning sunlight which poured through the partially opened curtains nearly blinded her, causing her to wince in agony as if it were possible for the sheering light to have the power to destroy her sense of sight by melting her retinas. She, then fumbled wildly, grabbing a generous amount of the luxurious duvet and retreated under the darkened covers similar to an ostrich, burring its head into the sand.

Vera certainly was not ready to face the day however her sudden movements had inadvertently caused her stomach to lurch and somersault, the sound emitted from her stomach was a warning and cause for concern as she had disturbed the dormant symptoms of a hangover.

“Oh uh!” muttered Vera, cupping a hand over her mouth which watered, a tell-tale sign that she was going to be sick and as a precaution, inched herself closer towards the edge of the bed where she hoped to somehow mentally win this battle.

It was a case of mind over matter, besides Vera did not want to have to leave the comfort and warmth of the bed in order to rush hastily into the en suite bathroom which in her current state felt as though it was a torturous journey, miles away. Instead, she focused on her breathing, to help steady her trembling limbs that were nestled under the duvet and then she closed her eyes, remembering the soothing and relaxing voice from the app on her mobile phone which she regularly played in order to help her to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When Vera next opened her eyes, the intensity of the morning light was now bearable; unless she _had_ actually damaged her eyesight to which Vera chastised herself for the over exaggerated thought.

She observed the strange surroundings in confused silence, occasionally pausing as the all too familiar sensation of nausea combined with dizziness briefly struck her in invisible waves, threatening to submerge her and prevented Vera from being able to fully concentrate on remembering the events from last night and to answer the burning question of where the hell was she exactly.

On the mahogany bedside table, there was a neatly folded piece of paper that was addressed to her, along with a bottle of sparkling water accompanied by a foil strip of painkillers and an antiemetic. Vera sighed uncomfortably as her hand cradled her stomach as if to console herself and secretly prayed that her stomach would allow her to take the medication in order to soften the symptoms of her hangover.

Tentatively, Vera reached over and retrieved the note as for the medication; she would have to motivate herself prior to taking them and would have to pray that her stomach would not punish her for her gluttonous actions of last night where Vera cringed at the flicker of a memory from last night as she demanded Joan pour her another drink but when she refused, Vera staggered over to the stocked mini-bar and helped herself to a bottle of white wine.

“Oh god!” murmured Vera then turned her attention to the note

 

_‘I’ve taken the liberty of ordering breakfast for you; it’s the most important meal of the day although it will be completely dependent on your stomach which might disagree with me and the notion of food._

_I have a rather hectic schedule to say the least so you’re welcome to use the facilities of my suite but I do strongly recommend that you avoid the mini-bar considering the amount you drank and the state you were in last night.’_

Vera winced and painfully pinched the bridge of her nose, “Uh God! What _did_ you do Vera?” she scolded herself

She desperately racked her memory but was unable to fully recall the events of last night as there were hazy images and blurred gasps in her memory.

Vera _could_ remember the frantic sense of urgency she felt while stranded in an airport, pacing impatiently as she and the rest of the passengers waited to hear of the final decision of the airline was then there was a long, awkward taxi journey to the hotel. The address had been provided by Joan as Vera clutched onto the much sought after folder against her chest protectively as Joan required said folder and its invaluable contents.

Vera also remembered the disapproving and questionable glares she received from the hotel staff that passed her especially the staff member who was attending to the reception area of the hotel whilst he spoke to Joan on the telephone, corroborating Vera’s absurd story and even then was _still_ somewhat suspicious and reluctant to trust Vera, he personally guided her up to Joan’s suite before departing. Vera frowned at the unnecessary level of security, thinking it was slightly over the top for a hotel as she just wanted to deliver the documents, perhaps use the wifi to check the news of the rumours which had circulated regarding several airlines which were threatening to take strike action that would be the icing on the cake, a truly fitting way to end her stressful and tiring day.

And if she were stranded then there was the hotel itself, as luxurious as it appeared to be and the looks she received from the hotel staff like she had no place to be here then a thought occurred to Vera, she had being treated similar to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, based purely on her appearance but a brief stay at _this_ hotel could potentially melt her credit card and no doubt she would have work all the extra shifts and overtime under the sun in order to repay this.

* * *

 

Vera picked at a dry croissant and nervously sipped at a cool glass of fresh orange juice which her stomach permitted after all, she had managed to keep down a few sips of water with the medication without incident however she had yet to test any form of food _and_ her stomach growled hungrily for the past hour so it was now or never!

Slowly, Vera willed herself to scroll through her mobile phone since she was unable to remember the details of last night and was dreading to discover any incriminating messages, phone calls or emails which might have been made during the time where her memory was sorely lacking in details.

It was then that her mobile phone vibrated in her hand, alerting her that she had received a new message which caused her heart to thump painfully in her chest.

By the power of deduction, Vera knew that her mother was not technologically literate nor did she even own a mobile phone of herself however that had not prevented Rita from borderline harassment of her daughter by demanding an explanation or where Vera was but since their heated argument, her mother probably still too angry, hurt or ashamed of Vera, had not bothered to pursue her which was a relief in many ways although it still caused a dull ache, knowing that her relationship with her mother appeared to be beyond repair.

The reluctance of Vera, finally surrendering and acknowledging that their broken relationship and nonexistent bond only added another complicated dimension to her thoughts, after all was it normal or even possible to separate yourself completely from the sole remaining family member?

Vera shook her head, dispelling the thought of her mother, once again from haunting her thoughts and tapped the screen in order to open the message.

The message was a remainder for Vera to leave a review for the recent purchase although how could she possibly leave a review on the very book that her mother had destroyed? Vera pushed away the plate, not wanting to challenge her stomach and walked gingerly towards the impressive sized en suite bathroom.

* * *

Vera nervously chewed on her bottom lip as she deleted and retyped a message, she had been contemplating on what exactly she should say to Joan or would Joan even want to talk to Vera? After all, her memory still remained a blur.

_‘Good Morning, I trust that breakfast was to your liking?’_

Vera blushed violently, partly relieved that she did not have to initiate the-morning-after-making-a-fool-out-of-herself conversation. She hurried to type a reply and made sure that there was no spelling mistakes or autocorrecting of any words.

_‘Good Morning to you too, breakfast was lovely. Thank you for organising that for your drunken guest.’_

Vera waited patiently for Joan’s reply and smiled when she received notification of a response.

_‘I trust, judging by your sunny disposition that you’re feeling better?’_

Vera sniggered, Joan wrote her text messages exactly how she would talk which made her snort with laughter as it would be extremely difficult to imagine Joan abbreviating her words into something like, ‘Srsly hope ur ok hun or C ya l8.’

 _'I was fragile earlier but getting better and thanks for leaving me those tablets.’_ Typed Vera

_‘I did suspect you would require them.’_

_‘Think you’ve missed your true calling there, Nurse Ferguson does have a certain ring to it.’_ Joked Vera

As Vera waited for a reply, she walked aimlessly around the empty hotel suite. The thick luscious carpet tickled her bare feet, her doe like eyes watched carefully as she knew that Joan was actively typing a response, the small speech bubble moved to indicate a reply was being typed.

_‘Ha!’_

Was the sole reply to Vera’s witty nurse comment then she swallowed, maybe she _had_ done or said something regrettable last night which had caused friction or offence, either way Vera was at a compete loss as to remember.

_‘Joan, if I said or done something last night...well, I was drunk and I can only apologise for whatever I may have said or done.’_

Vera began to pace nervously around the suite, urgently trying to remember any details regarding last night, no matter how small or insignificant it may appear to be. Every few seconds, she glanced down at her mobile phone only to be equally disappointed by the lack of a reply from Joan.

_‘I did do something, didn’t I? Please, at least tell me what happened! I already feel incredibly bad for raiding the mini-bar, intruding in your suite and interrupting your night.’_

Finally, Joan did eventually respond, _‘Consider it a much needed debriefing! After all you were stressed and exhausted by the time you arrived here.’_

Vera scowled, had something happened and Joan was merely pacifying her, brushing _it_ off? Whatever _it_ was, it was difficult for Vera to judge in written format at least if they were talking, face-to-face then Vera might be able to pick up on visual cues such as Joan’s body language. Would her arms be folded defensively across her chest or fidget childishly with her fingers, would she be able to maintain eye contact with Vera or carefully avoid her wide blue eyes? How would Joan’s voice sound, the usual commanding and confident tone of voice or perhaps only offer one worded answers as to not reveal anything or would she simply remain silent, maybe even go so far as to blatantly ignore Vera.

The last time a debriefing had been suggested, post-shift, it transpired that Joan had known all along regarding Vera’s little secret upon discovering her Deputy Governor’s long awaited and anxiously anticipated delivery which then proceeded to them agreeing to an _arrangement_ although this was purely for research purposes as Joan had been quick, very quick to add in  _that_ part!

However, that had been some time ago and they had not been alone since which caused Vera to seriously question not only Joan and her motives or even herself but her entire personal research for that matter.

“Wait...” whispered Vera as she stopped pacing and looked up from the bright screen of her mobile phone, her neck ached.

 

As, she craned her neck from side to side, it cracked. Vera momentarily caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and noticed that she looked tired. The skin beneath her eyes were slightly darker than usual, she appeared paler than usual granted this could be due to dehydration and lack of proper substance.

 

_Vera closed her eyes as her head lulled back and rested against the warmth which radiated from Joan, who stood like a tower of strength and confidence behind her, Vera inhaled deeply, breathing in the faint scent that was distinct to only Joan. A mixture of pomegranate body wash, alcohol hand rub and the subtle hints of Chanel Chance perfume. The combination of all these subtle aromas caused Vera to fall into a catatonic state of transcendence, journeying towards her nirvana._

_Her skin felt positively alive, never had Vera known it was possible to feel this way as if her skin was burning, on fire and it was all caused by Joan’s soft yet authoritative hands which assaulted her body. Her senses were overloaded by the slow pace that deliberately drove Vera to the brink where she would have to beg, God how she craved desperately for more._

_She panted at the prospect of all this teasing that Joan was purposely subjecting and torturing her. Eventually Vera conceded and gasped loudly, her bottom lip trembling as she felt one of Joan’s hands decent towards the zip at the front of her trousers then with painstaking effort, deliberately pulled it slowly, Vera moaned and nodded with approval, as her hand reached further down into Vera's trousers, her only wish was that the thin barrier that was her underwear would simply disappear. The damp material was the only thing to prevent Joan’s fingers from directly seeking out the source of the throbbing heat which rekindled the feelings and delirious sensations from that night in the Governor’s office._

_God, how Vera craved and had imagined this ever since that night - the debriefing in the Governor’s office but since that night, Vera had hardly seen Joan at all due to divine circumstances, fate, karma or whatever higher power was at work and Vera grew increasingly desperate, finding any plausible excuse to visit Joan who was secluded in her office but more often than not, Joan was neither in her office, the office would be in darkness or she was occupied with various members of staff or meeting with Derek Channing who had made the necessary appointments to speak to the Governor._

_At first, Vera knew that Joan’s first and foremost priority was work, the inmates and her staff but even when discussing work related duties and issues, Vera search fiercely deeply within Joan’s dark chocolate eyes perhaps hoping to find something beyond the stern exterior but Joan remained largely unreadable, maintaining a certain level of detachment._

_Joan’s apparent lack of interest and her rejection combined with the general stresses of work, Fletch’s Neanderthal attempts to rekindle their failed relationship or whatever it had been between them and Rita, who had purposely no regard for her daughter’s privacy, opening her mail and discovered the recently ordered book which had resulted in the bitter argument where both of them, in the heat of the moment, things were said to equally hurt each other._

_It was then, when instead of surrendering her body and mind to the realms of pleasure that Joan was only eager to continue that Vera suddenly and without warning, pushed herself from the desk; her trembling hands seized Joan’s wrists and yanked Joan’s hands from her body, her skin instantly felt the withdrawal from Joan’s delicious touch._

_Her head was positively spinning in utter confusion which finally boiled over and erupted. The emotional turmoil as Vera had thought Joan had bitterly regretted what they had shared in her office, her mother who continued to linger at the forefront of her thought, the continuous stress and pressure that went hand-in-hand in their line of work, the last minute travelling over the country which left her absolutely exhausted and the combination of the amount of alcohol consumed in a short space of time on an empty stomach – the odds were never in Vera’s favour!_

Then, as quickly as the fragmented memory from last night had surfaced, it dissipated and retreated back into the depths, the shadowy confines of her sub-consciousness.

Vera snatched her mobile phone, energetically and somewhat frantically typed her message, _‘Something_ did _happen or was about to...but, I pushed you away or something to you....Joan?’_

She hesitated whether or not it was the right thing to do, to text message Joan, rehashing the events of last night. Vera was also unsure if Joan would honestly believe her or that maybe she had inadvertently given Joan a reason to call an end to their ‘arrangement’. The one chance of potential happiness, to further explore her body, expand upon her knowledge and increase her self confidence while someone that she greatly admired and was, if not slightly envious of Joan’s own commanding presence and unwavering confidence although Vera could more than likely add to the list that she was if not, slightly smitten with Joan, a schoolgirl crush for want of a better expression for her superior officer and mentor.

Vera blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears when her mobile phone vibrated in her hand, she swallowed, somewhat fearful of the contents of what Joan’s response would be.

_‘I have but one question for you so think carefully! When was the last you did something for the first time?’_

The question had blind-sighted Vera and suddenly she felt nervous and embarrassingly shy as she contemplated the meaning behind the message that Joan had sent to her. The bright light of the screen was now black, blank screen as Vera fumbled mentally, hurriedly rehearsed in her head what she could type back in reply to Joan’s question but Vera was at an overall loss for words _or_ maybe Vera should phone her, perhaps it would be easier to speak than to attempt to find the words to explain and best describe her thoughts and also explain what had happened last night.

Her thumb hesitated, hovering over Joan’s name on the screen of the mobile phone, severely tempted to call Joan then Vera remembered that Joan, like all the other Governors, along with the regional managers and board members were attending the seminar and Vera could not simply just interrupt the mandatory attended event in order to speak to Joan regarding a very personal issue despite the fact that the question _had_ struck close to an exposed nerve.

When _was_ the last time she did something for the first time?

 

Well, there was her entire personal research that surely had to count for something, not to forget the numerous purchases of certain _equipment_ and the copious amounts of reading material in relation to said research. Vera resented whatever Joan was implying and haphazardly threw her mobile phone onto the desk, clattering loudly. She stood in front of the mirror, staring intently at herself.

Another stray fragment of memory resurfaced and Vera found herself wishing that she had battled silently last night with her inner conflict and not permitting her drunken twisted thoughts from ruining a potential rekindling of their arrangement, Vera wished that she had allowed Joan to have continued.

Vera’s fingers tightened around the back of the leather chair as she reminisced about last night but also _that_ night spent in Joan’s office. As, her grip tightened on the chair, the sound of leather creaking beneath her white knuckled, clenched fingers caused her pivot her hips.

The details were crystal clear and felt as sharp as Joan’s perfectly plain, manicured nails which signalled a powerful pulse, followed by a familiar beat between her legs, how was this remotely possible, that by simply remembering how Joan commanded the attention of her sense and delicately rehearsed, warming up Vera’s body like a musician would do with their instrument that her body could react and respond in such a way.

She chewed against her bottom lip whilst her own hand pressed against her toned abdomen then slowly inched towards the elasticated waistband of her lace knickers but paused; Vera opened her eyes and blushed upon meeting the dilated pupils of her reflection in the mirror.

Could she?

 _‘No! I can’t.’_ Thought Vera under protest although her hand remained perfectly still

This was ridiculous, she could _not_ possibly do _that_....it was not even her hotel suite, Joan could return and catch her in the act and yet here she was....

Vera check the time, Joan did mention in her note that she would be otherwise busy throughout the day, stuck in the mandatory seminar against her wishes plus she also mentioned for Vera to make use of the suite facilities although Vera knew this was not what Joan had originally intended or meant when she wrote the note, her text message however would suggest otherwise....

The persistent call to Vera was becoming more and more difficult to ignore as the localised throbbing caused her to temporally abandon her rational train of thought as the _need_ to satisfy this insatiable lust became increasingly overwhelming.

Vera resumed chewing on her bottom lip as she threw an awkward glance towards the door then glanced back to the mirror....


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologise as its been TOO long but work, real life/adulting things to do AND was hit by a block but it's here at long last.  
> Enjoy  
> Comments & feedback are always welcomed so thanks for taking the time out to do so  
> Hope there's NOT too many obvious spelling/grammar mistakes but my feeble excuse is recovering from the M & G, too much wine and it being one in the morning. So sue me, I'm human  
> Massive applaud to Joansdiary for providing ping pong of ideas and generally putting up with my constant complaining.

 

 

 

Vera spun around swiftly which caused a sudden bout of light-headedness, this sensation promptly resolved itself, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. She averted her eyes from the mirror, seeing her pathetic refection and could not prevent being able to vividly hear her mother’s scolding and belittling remarks.

She turned her back on the mirror, careful to avoid her own reflection, already Vera’s mind was a whirlwind of chaos as images and the voice of her overbearing and domineering mother haunted her but also previously forgotten memories from last night surfaced into her consciousness. Memories of Joan, who held Vera but there was a gap, fractured images, memories which did not make any sense as one moment Joan held her and the next moment they stood apart, distancing themselves from one another.

There was something in Joan’s dark chocolate eyes, the remnants of an internal struggle as she was determined not to show this however it was obviously etched on her features, her upper lip twitched subtly.

Had she caused Joan this pain?

Vera shivered, if it were at all possible to imagine, she felt her own reflection glaring into the back of skull, piercing blue eyes that cast judgement but she refused to give into curiosity and resisted the urge to glance over her shoulder. For now, it was far safer to elude her own reflection for the time being.

Her body curled, hunched over shamefully, shoulders and head slumped like an unruly teenager while a trembling hand reached up to cover her face, attempting to shield herself from her own thoughts. The humiliating thoughts and memories caused her features to redden as her racing imagination concocted, acting out various scenarios perhaps repressed fantasises that featured either just Vera alone or included Joan as their naked limbs tangled, wild hair, their complete abandonment and disregard of the consequences swirled randomly in her mind and gave another reason for Vera to avoid her reflection.

In her head, Vera was a completely different person. Here, in her secluded thoughts, locked away from the world, she was practically carefree perhaps almost brazen and much more confident. _This_ Vera knew exactly what she wanted and would be ruthless in her pursuit to achieve her goal which was contradictory as to how Vera actually was. She was the quiet, mouse-like Deputy Governor who was often the target for being too gentle and trusting, _everyone_ knew this fact.

Against the palm of her hand, she felt the heat radiate from her pinkened cheek as the embarrassment slowly died down. Her jaw clenched tightly, creating a dull ache, as self inflicting pain served as a much needed distraction from the internal conflict that Vera fought hard against, in order to maintain a sense of control and order over her disobedient body.

Vera shifted slightly but nothing seemed to ease the uncomfortable feeling, the minuscule movement had triggered a slow, smouldering heat that was insistent and demanded her full attention but she deliberately chose to ignore this _and_ the growing dampness. The seeping moisture that pooled between her trembling legs, Vera chewed hard on her bottom lip, welcoming the fresh pain to keep her distracted and occupy her mind as she stubbornly refused to acknowledge the slow growing throb.

She tutted loudly in frustration and fidgeted with belt of her dressing gown that was tied around her waist. She huffed impatiently, exasperated with the obsessive thoughts, after all she was alone in Joan’s hotel suite and beneath the cotton dressing gown she was naked with the exception of her underwear.

The creased clothes were neatly folded on a chair in the corner of the room where Vera had left them in order to freshen up in the shower in a bid to feel human again and shake off the lingering remains of her hangover.

* * *

 

Vera was fed up, basically stranded in the country’s most luxurious hotel that was secluded in the middle of nowhere, still feeling relatively tired from all the last minute travelling in order to personally deliver the forgotten documents required as part of Joan's presentation, to then get embarrassingly drunk to the point of utterly humiliating herself in front of Joan who now appeared to be standoffish, granted it was difficult to engage through text messages as Vera was unable to tell if Joan was either disappointed, annoyed or perhaps otherwise occupied. Plus, Vera could not completely rely on her memory to remember exactly what happened last night.

Vera huffed, annoyed with herself and wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself in a bid to provide comfort, she felt completely lost and alone in Joan’s suite, patiently waiting on her return. There was a sense of urgency on Vera’s part to be able to explain and clear the air regarding what happened last night.

But would Joan want to even listen to her excuses? Maybe when Joan returned, she would demand that Vera leave and cease their arrangement.

Vera paled at the thought and tightened her arms around herself, fighting the tears as her mind was in a state of chaotic disarray, continuously spinning scenarios which snowballed into something of epic proportions.

 _But,_ somewhere in her disjointed thoughts, everything abruptly stilled. She became distracted however it was not the welcoming reprieve that Vera had wanted.

Against the soft, cotton dressing gown, her sensitive nipples that were evidently protruding, grazed against the soft material and sent a powerful jolt straight towards her core, this aggravated the low throb, a steady pulse caused her get flustered.

Perched on the edge of the dark, mahogany desk, Vera crossed her legs, willing herself to maintain control instead of letting the hormones and body take over. A low moan escaped from her throat which caused her eyes to widen and pursed her lights tightly together, preventing any further sounds from escaping. Her hips tilted by their own accord, naturally rocking teasingly as if to encourage her, begging for her to give up this pretence.

The heat emanating from deep between her legs had grown exponentially but Vera fought as she clenched her toned thighs together, she _would_ resist this feeling, innocently presuming that she could simply go with the flow, to ride out this wave so to speak and still remain the victor.

Vera decided to simply wait it out, similar to how you would deal with a toddler having a temper tantrum, not get involved and wait for them to tire themselves out however as she clenched her thighs, unbeknown to her that she was actually nurturing the faint throb that had now become undeniable.

She had assumed that it would be a case of mind over matter and those _things_ would settle down, resolve on its own accord as she suddenly felt warm, very warm.

Urgently, Vera needed to find a distraction! Something, _anything_ that would or could divert her attention from the obvious elephant in the room. Vera swallowed, the fast growing fear and anxiety which had been steadily increasing at the thought of losing control, still largely ignorant about these feelings and sensations that she was currently experiencing. She willed herself to somehow remain calm, reminding herself that it was _her_ that was in control and would not surrender nor pander to her obvious _needs._

Nervously, she opted to gnaw on a ragged fingernail instead of resorting to chewing on her bottom lip which now felt painfully swollen, it had always been her trademark coping mechanism whenever she felt stressed or overwhelmed however she had inadvertently caused injury to her lip.

Distract, distract, distract!

How she wished there was something to read, _any_ reading material in the hotel suite would be an option even a trashy magazine that featured the highs and lows of so-called celebrates would have been greatly appreciated at this moment but there was nothing. Vera did not want to go prying through Joan’s belongs for something to read and the only source of reading that was on display was a bible which caused her to lower her head once again, in shame, conjuring up images of her mother with her strict standards and holier-than-thou morals that Vera could never please nor live up to.

 

_'My_ _daughter, my own daughter...is one of them...’_

_Rita’s facial features twisted and contorted into that of disgust, the corner of her lip curled upwards to form a menacing sneer as she eyed up Vera from head to toe, inspecting her then tutting loudly. The plastic dentures lacked the sharpness of one’s palate, tutting with obvious disapproval._

_'A lesbian!’ she finally finished, the word if possible left a vile taste in her mouth as she said it and suddenly caused her to feel nauseated_

_‘You and all your kind should stay where you all belong, deep in the closet...out of sight, out of mind instead of parading around in public, it’s a disgrace...and if you dare think that you can waltz around here flaunting your lifestyle or bring...god forbid it, another woman...’ Rita gasped at the notion then quickly blessed herself in the gesture of a cross, ‘I forbid it...not in this house!’_

_Suddenly, Rita’s voice dropped several decibels and instead of screeching her voice was now soft and warm and she looked upon her daughter with nothing but pity in her eyes._

_'How could_ this _have happened? Where did I go wrong? I-I brought you up the best way that I could as a single parent, no thanks to your useless father who abandoned you....us. I-I....y-yes...yes, that’s it! It’s me...I’m being punished, y-yes that it, it’s the will of the lord and I’m being punished!’_

Vera’s hand clenched and formed into tight fists of anger at the sound of her mother droning on and on which had ignited a ferocious fire, deep in the pit of her stomach that even her fists began to shake, evidently she was struggling to maintain her temper. Her knuckles were white as she felt her anger increase, the mounting pressure was destined to erupt and burn anyone within close proximity.

“It’s not _always_ about you.” Growled Vera aloud, in response to her mother’s narcissistic complaining

 

Vera, pushed to the edge, finally snapped. She had been constantly bullied and belittled by her mother, who should have offered her daughter reassurance and protection but instead Rita was a cruel woman, humiliated and tormented her daughter for much of her life until Vera could no longer take the continuous onslaught of verbal abuse anymore.

She fully prepared herself for a continuation of yet another verbal tirade, perhaps she would be rewarded for standing up for herself with a slap, it was seldom that her mother resorted to physical outbursts but on rare occasions, Vera  _needed_ to be disciplined. Rita had fallen silent, in all likeliness was blindsided by her daughter who finally found her backbone and bravely answered her back.

Through clenched teeth, Vera sucked in the oxygen and was fully prepared to face whatever the consequences Rita would deem necessary but still there was an eerie silence.

Tentatively, Vera opened one eye followed by the other then blinked several times then exhaled loudly, her entire body relaxed in relief that it had _all_ been her mind, concocting yet another vicious illusion but it had felt and sounded so real! Hell, it had tricked Vera into actually thinking that her domineering, self-righteous mother had been standing in front of her, on the cusp of invading her personal space, assaulting her sense by the smell of stale coffee and cheap cigarette smoke that her friends smoked from the bridge club.

Although, what business was it of her mother to pass judgement on her?

 _‘It’s my sexuality and no-one else needs to involve themselves with matters that don’t concern them. What does it even matter? Surely, when all said and done, it is about me and whether or not I’m happy, happy with myself....and to be able to share that with someone.’_ Thought Vera

Vera smirked to herself, “Maybe even...someone like...Joan.” She spoke aloud only then did the soft smile vanished after hearing how completely absurd the thought actually was

The sudden thought of Joan, imagining the older woman as she strutted fearlessly with her trademark air of confidence and commanding presence caused a sound to escape from Vera as once again she felt the dwindling throb return with a vengeance and caused her to blush furiously, feeling the low pulsating drumming emanating from deep between her thighs at the mere thought of Joan.

Vehemently, Vera shook her head in disbelief, she _had_ to stop this daydreaming and pining after Joan, who was in fact helping Vera conduct her research, nothing more, nothing less although initially it had been Joan who had suggested aiding Vera with the research which she still could not quite understand Joan's reasons for this but nonetheless she was eternally grateful that someone like Joan was there to provide guidance and advise Vera with the practical aspect.

Now, there was a question that lingered on the tip of Vera’s tongue, what did Joan get out of this arrangement?

Vera could not help but allow her mind to wonder back to the mysterious enigma that was Joan Ferguson. It was apparent to Vera that Joan was very much comfortable and confident with her own sexuality, regardless of what that may actually be. Vera had not figured that out yet.

 

_‘You’re blurring the lines! This was....is supposed to be your journey of self-discovery, not about pining after your superior officer who’s made it abundantly clear that this is nothing but a mere extension of your dynamic mentor-ship and at any given time, Joan could revoke this privilege.’_

_‘Just don’t ruin this...this golden opportunity by allowing yourself to lose focus, after all the purpose of this little arrangement is in the namesake of your personal research and what you promised yourself! You cannot afford to get bogged down with emotions...this is all about learning and discovering. There is and can be no love, don’t get confused between what is love and what is lust.’_

 

The more her mind lingered on the image that had been practically branded into her memory of when Ms Joan Ferguson first darkened the doorway of Wentworth, quickly began to corrode and dissolve what little assertive power Vera held over her body, over her urges as she found one of her hands, absentmindedly massaging large circles over her inner thigh, each time her hand inched closer, further towards her scorching hot crotch that begged to be touched.

In order to resist the dizzying insane urge, the dying temptation that she pathetically fought against, repressing the incessant call to her, Vera loosened the complimentary cotton dressing gown in an attempt to help cool herself down, her skin was too warm and in some area a fine sheen of perspiration had developed. She _had_ to keep herself distracted, occupy her thoughts with something else other than Joan Ferguson!

Vera felt her legs grow weaker as her knees jerked, threatening to collapse from under her weight despite remaining perched against the desk. Her tongue darted out from parted lips and tried to grant relief to her dry lips.

 

* * *

 

Joan sought after a chair that was at the back of the seminar room, located conveniently close to the exit. Her thumb toyed with her silver Parker pen, incessantly clicking the pen as the room began to fill and was soon swarming with people. Sweaty, clammy, red faced people, some of whom had no concept of what personal space actually meant.

Her nostril twitched as she attempted to avert her eyes from what seemed like an endless parade of her fellow colleagues, some of which had travelled from various parts of the country as they walked past her, some were _already_ slightly intoxicated or of a bigger physique and inadvertently brushed heavily or stumbled against her. Joan tightened her grip on the pen.

It had not taken much time before the air felt incredibly thick and heavy combined with the heat, perspiration and the overbearing smells of perfume and aftershave which offended her sense of smell as well as the occasional waft of body odour which did not help Joan’s sudden feeling of claustrophobia, confined in what was considered her version of hell. She rubbed hand sanitizer obsessively over her hands.

Over the course of the next laborious hours, selected spokespeople took to the podium, each stood on the podium and spoke with their PowerPoint presentation covering a specialist subject which then led onto a brief question and answering session afterwards. Some of the speakers were naturally more confident and better prepared compared to their counterparts and Joan was not alone in thinking this, often sighing, quickly becoming distracted or losing complete interest in the topic whilst the nervous or often unorganised speakers lost their train of focus and confidence. They were reduced to stammering and stuttering with a stunned goldfish like expression, mouths wide open or moving but no sound could be heard, their eyes wide as if caught in the headlights of a speeding vehicle.

 _'Failure to prepare, prepare to fail.’_ Thought Joan

Despite the fact that the air conditioning was at the maximum setting for coolness only after someone complained about the humidity, the once cool seminar room remained hot and stuffy, since it was filled to capacity. The corner of Joan’s upper lip continued to twitch, her nostrils flared with silent, seething anger as her dark eyes narrowed, observing those around her, darting fleetingly as to avoid making unnecessary eye contact with those that she considered beneath her and unworthy.

She grimaced, feeling somewhat nauseated upon witnessing rather brazen and ultimately disgusting habits of a minority of people who seemed to have temporarily forgotten where they actually were as they poked, prodded and picked various orifices with a complete disregard whether or not they were seen. These were suppose to be mature adults, professionals, academics and respectable people, some of which were in a position of power and utmost respect and yet they were behaving like overgrown toddlers, others fully exploited what the mandatory weekend training even was supposed to be about.

Stuck in a secluded hotel, far away from the pressures and demands of their jobs, relationships and children, they were now free to do and act how they pleased with no consequences whatsoever. 

This mandatory weekend long event was, in Joan’s opinion a waste of her precious time, energy and poorly utilised the tax payer’s money, instead of reinvesting the money into recruitment and training, it had been squandered by the greedy managerial vultures and corporate pen pushers. Joan was loathed to be stranded in the same room as many of  them, as their priorities were mainly about what facilities the hotel had to offer such as the luxurious spa, the bar with a vast array of alcohol to choose from and some people were only too eager to rekindle previous flings and affairs.

Something else that equally infuriated Joan was the seemingly blatant, nonchalant and obvious lack of proper organising by those who were supposedly in charge of the event or the inept and cringe-worthy speakers who ran over, they caused unnecessary delays to the proceedings due to their computer illiteracy or became flustered whist in front of a crowded room full of strangers that caused embarrassment, eroding their confidence as bored, impatient stared up at them.

* * *

 

Vera pushed herself from the mahogany desk, the cotton dressing gown bellowed behind her.

 _'Why am I doing this to myself?  I mean, to surrender isn’t a weakness...just, just go with the flow, consider this a part of your research.’_ Thought Vera

Naturally, her eyes were drawn to the enormous king sized bed that she had previously occupied a few hours ago although it had not been through her own choice since she had got drunk before exhaustively passing out and leaving it up to Joan to decide where Vera should sleep. Not only that but Joan had readied an unconscious Vera for bed by removing her cardigan along with her shoes and socks, and willingly sacrificed her bed in exchange for the plush sofa bed in the adjacent room.

A hand came to rest against her toned abdomen while a single finger traced small, invisible circles against her tanned skin as if prolonging the inevitable but _still_ she fiercely resisted the increasing desire.

* * *

 

Joan’s manicured nails of her left hand drummed incessantly against the table while her eyes and dwindling attention were no longer focused on the stammering speaker who stood at the podium. A chubby finger grasped nervously at his shirt collar before awkwardly chuckling as the audience were less than impressed.

As she sat in the back row of the seminar room, Joan was conveniently hidden by those who sat in front of her, concealed from prying eyes of the guest speaker. In her right hand was her mobile phone, scrolling through the numerous emails, a majority of which were considered by Joan to be spam mail but if this mediocre task occupied her thoughts and killed some time whilst waiting patiently for Vera to reply to her message then she considered this a small price to pay.

_‘When was the last time you did something for the first time?’_

There had been a flurry of activity, text messages had been sent back and forth between the two women but the question appeared to have been a wild card, the ace card that Joan had been forced to play in which it had silenced Vera and momentarily granted her a reprieve from Vera’s persistent questioning, practically pleading for Joan to reveal what had transpired between them last night.

So, it was apparent to Joan that despite the amount of alcohol Vera had consumed before passing out in her arms that Vera remembered _something_ from last night but the exact details remained largely unknown and prompted Vera to frantically bombard Joan, urgently wanting answers to her questions.

Joan knew that her ever faithful and dependable Deputy would not stop as she strived for answers. It was Vera’s level of dedication and unwavering standards that made her stand out when compared to her fellow colleagues but her downfall was her trusting nature and lack of confidence which often meant she was the target for the inmates or  was overshadowed by her colleagues. Nevertheless, Vera’s enthusiasm and energy that she demonstrated at work had been continued into her personal life, poured into her research.

Now, Joan found herself on the receiving end of Vera’s attention as she continued her typed interrogation, wanting and demanding that Joan reveal what happened but it would all end in tears, Joan could sense it, although would it be her own tears or Vera’s?

Joan suddenly felt nauseous which she could only assume was due to the unbearable heat that stifled the seminar room as well as witnessing the disgusting habits of her fellow colleagues who were oblivious to their own behaviour but she feared that if Vera continued with the Spanish inquisition then it would only be a matter of time before something trivial would trigger Joan’s mood and Vera could find herself on the receiving end of it.

Her fingers stopped drumming and brought her hand to rest against her abdomen as if to aid in comforting her butterfly filled stomach at the thought of Vera being able to remember the events of last night.

As a technical issue caused the guest speaker’s PowerPoint presentation to disappear from the overhead screen, Joan closed her eyes while the noise erupted around her, anyone that saw her would have presumed that she was meditating.

 

_At first, Vera’s touch was soft and gentle as she caressed both of Joan’s wrists then added a minuscule amount of pressure, capturing her wrists although from their previous encounter in Joan’s office, the times when Vera grabbed at Joan, in desperate need to speed things up._

_Vera was a novice, everything was so new and exciting but despite Joan’s reassurance of “good things come to those who wait.” Vera did_ not _want to wait._

_Joan smirked to herself, grateful that her long cascading hair prevented Vera from witnessing this, she would have to introduce Vera to the subtle art of delaying gratification where the agonising build-up and delicious teasing would intensify the overall anticipation to new dizzying heights that Vera could never imagine possible._

_Joan’s thoughts were interrupted as Vera’s grip increased, tightening around both of her wrists which caused Joan to cease her further decent towards Vera’s lace underwear, sensing that there was something wrong, something different._

_Dark eyes glanced into the mirror, drinking in the image that reflected back and she attempted to make eye contact, a silent form of communication as she felt Vera trembling beneath her hands._

_Joan searched to read Vera’s features, to offer reassurance and put the timid woman at ease but Vera’s soft blue eyes was partially obstructed by a wild curtain of hair. It had been over two weeks, give or take a few days on top of that since they had both been in similar positions while in her office and it had been the beginning of the agreed arrangement so perhaps Vera suddenly felt embarrassed and needed reassurance from Joan._

_Vera shook her head adamantly with determination, her grip continued to intensify on Joan’s wrists. Joan stood speechless, confused and stared at the smaller woman who_ had _rested contently against her chest, contently only mere minutes ago._

_“No!” spoke Vera as she forcibly pushed Joan’s hands away from her body, breaking the warmth of contact_

_She continued to shake her head and fumbled anxiously to adjust her trousers, her bottom lip trembled as she muttered incoherently. Her watery eyes had yet to acknowledge or provide an explanation._

_“Vera?” her voice was husky as she reached out for the trembling woman_

There was a not so subtle sound of someone clearing their throat followed by three striking taps on the microphone, in order to regain the attention of the audience and forced Joan to open her weary eyes and return to reality.

No new messages.

Joan inhaled sharply, irritated that Vera has _still_ not replied back and was equally frustrated that in that time she was unable to compose a message. She had planned to send Vera another message that would ultimately bait her into _needing_ to respond back however Joan’s plan was flawed since she was unable to type a suitable text message and when she did, she hesitated and eventually deleted the message.

* * *

 

Joan suddenly froze, somewhat reluctant to press the send button as her thumb hovered over the screen.

There was abrupt sinking feeling that weighed in her chest as she heard the mutterings of her father’s thick Russian accented voice that emanated somewhere deep from her consciousness. His voice eclipsed the slither of warmth that had begun to form; now it retreated.

Her phone clattered against the table, pushed away to create a safe level of distance from her, partially out of fear and fearful of what she had nearly done.

Incriminating herself in the form of a message, leaving evidence, something that could be kept and then later used against her caused Joan to cringe inwardly at her near mistake, she would have willingly left herself open to a susceptible attack when she least expected it.

Her own words could be used against her, like a strategic game of chess where you first carefully arrange the pieces, observe your opponent for any weaknesses or ‘tells’, enjoying their reaction as they nervously await with uncertainty as to what your next move with be, bide your time _then_ strike without mercy when they are at their weakest and most vulnerable.

Little Vera, her ever faithful Deputy Governor would possess in her hands, the potential to topple over her mentor, perhaps even go after the coveted crowns and prestigious title of Governor that she had been sidelined over the past several years.

After all, a knife is only as good as the one who wields it and Joan knew better than to underestimate the ‘quiet ones.’

Vera, purposely or not would hold the power in her hands and god forbid if she revealed or if anyone happened to look over her slender shoulder to see the incriminating messages for themselves, it would be Joan’s own downfall.

The ridicule and humiliation....no, she could not allow that to happen.

Her jaw clenched tightly, jerking towards the side before she snatched her mobile phone and discarded the offending object into her bag which landed with a heavy thud.

The awkward speaker made a lousy joke that received a chorus of groans before continuing with the remainder of their presentation. Joan, on the other hand could not be any further removed from her current surroundings as she looked down towards her hands the rested upon her lap.

Her thumb traced along her wrist where Vera had touched her there last night, still somehow she was able to feel the smaller, soft hand which initially gripped onto Joan’s wrist encouraging and in fact leading Joan’s hand further down, inside of her linen trousers. Vividly able to remember the warmth of Vera’s touch and the weight of her head that rested back upon her chest, occasionally she tossed her head from side to side in response to Joan’s touch.

But then, there was nothing. There had been no warning or signal to alert Joan to anything otherwise instead the soft touch changed into menacing pressure like a vice on both of her wrists before being coldly forced away, denied and rejected.

The warmth had dissipated and now a barrier had formed between the two of them, Vera ensuring there was as much space between them as possible.

Joan snorted and forcibly shook her head as if attempting to dislodge the thoughts and images of Vera and any associated feelings that may have began to develop. She could not afford to become emotionally attached or invested, there was too much at stake and she could not dare risk opening up and allowed someone _else_ into her life. She had done so with Jianna and it had been _all_ her fault, her blood was her hands.

Broken promises would forever haunt Joan and she could not allow Vera into her inner sanctum, beyond her carefully constructed wall that prevented _anyone_ from seeing the real Joan.

* * *

 

Vera had been reluctant to climb back into the king-sized bed, she had only awake and out from the bed for a couple of hours plus it would only be a matter of time before Joan was due to return and maybe she would not appreciate finding either Vera asleep, occupying her bed or even still in the hotel suite. Joan had not gave any indication to Vera that she could stay nor that she should leave which left Vera caught in a precarious situation.

Using the back of her hand, she stifled a tired yawn as she relaxed against the mattress, her hair fanned over the pillow perhaps a nap if even for an hour of two would help.

She found herself nestled in a cocoon of luxury, surrounded by soft Egyptian cotton sheets, briefly closing her eyes, the sensation as the sheets caressed her semi-naked body felt heavenly. Vera turned her head and buried her face into the pillow beside her and inhaled deeply, catching the familiar scent of the only other occupant of the hotel suite.

Vera felt as though she were floating, otherwise occupied by the comfort of the impressive bed, basking in the luxurious sheets and the heavenly scent that helped her body to relax, melting away the tension she was harbouring in her shoulders.

Eventually feeling relaxed, a hand subconsciously came to rest upon her toned abdomen, while her index finger absentmindedly traced small circles at the waistband of her knickers as if slowly surrendering to the inevitable.   

* * *

 

The key card swiped against the electronic panel, granting Joan entry into her suite, carefully she closed the door behind her as to not inadvertently wake Vera, there was no doubt she would have gone back to bed in order to sleep off any lingering symptoms of her hangover.

Joan closed her eyes and leaned against the door, she remembered the cleansing breathing exercise from her yoga classes in order to regain control of her frantic thoughts. Today had been an utter shambles, organised chaos of epic proportions as the scheduled timetables ran over due to avoidable and unnecessary delays, mostly due to technical difficulties with personal flash-drives and people who normally were not exactly computer literate.

Combined with the unbearable heat and witnessing some disgusting habits from some people, she welcomed the coolness of the hotel room suite and the almost hypnotic low humming of the air conditioning that maintained the comfortable temperate. Joan reached into her bag and pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer.

She methodically rubbed the alcohol hand gel over the palms and then over the backs of her hands and fingers, her nose crinkled at the familiar smell.

Just as if she were at home, Joan removed her shoes before entering further into the hotel suite. The thick lush carpet tickled beneath her feet and was a novelty since she had dark wooden exposed floorboards complete with a varnished finish throughout her home.

 

“Yesss.” Hissed a voice, the sound of the bed-sheets rustled, followed by a throat groan

Joan leaned against the smooth surface of the wall, listening carefully to what was unfolding around the corner that led into the bedroom. A faint smile pulled at the corner of her lips, reassured by the sound that Vera had not departed as Joan had presumed she would have done so. The arousing sound that escaped from Vera, captivated Joan as she inched closer towards the corner, her curiosity demanding to be satisfied and the thought of catching Vera unaware _and_ in a compromising position caused Joan’s throat to suddenly dry and unable to swallow away the lump that had formed.

Despite the coolness of the suite, Joan felt a rapid rush of heat engulf her neck, travelling upwards and causing her to appear uncharacteristically embarrassed. Her hands quickly reached for her face only to confirm what she already knew, her jaw clenched painfully, agitated that her body react in such a way, how dare it defy her, normally, at any other given time Joan was able to repress such notions. Fencing and yoga was typically her outlet for venting pent up frustration and helped to clear her mind, to maintain the order.

 _‘Emotions lead to mistakes.’_  Echoed the speech that had been etched into her consciousness since early childhood

Joan pressed herself rigidly against the wall, her eyes closed as she chastised herself for momentarily dropped her guard. She focused on her breathing exercises to regain control although it was extremely testing as she could _still_ hear Vera, who panted heavily as she worked herself closer and closer towards the reward being created by her own hand.

 

“J-J...Oh, oh God!” protested Vera doing everything in her power not to scream

Joan cautiously pressed herself against the wall as she neared the corner and held her breath for fear that any sound may alert Vera that she was no longer alone. The sounds that emitted from Vera was like a symphony to Joan ears, feeling partly responsible as she had help guide the inexperienced younger woman who was now writhering on the bed, entangled amongst the cotton sheets.

Discreetly, she shifted further towards the corner now able to see the foot of the king sized bed. Joan swallowed and continued to proceed with the utmost, delicate caution, she _wanted_ Vera completely unencumbered, to fully experience and witness firsthand how Vera’s body reacted to letting go completely, to be swept up in the moment as the sought after orgasm was imminent.

Joan licked her lips, eyes widened as she found herself willing for Vera to be successful, her fingers curled against the wall, watching as the magnificence unfold before her very eyes. She had _always_ been intrigued by the female form but more so Joan marvelled at _how_ those were able to casually disregard their need for control when achieving an orgasm, the very definition of an orgasm for Joan, besides pleasure was that momentarily lapse in control.

“Oh! Y-yes...Yes! Jo...god! Yessss!”

 

* * *

 

“Well, well, well...” Joan announced in a breathy voice, she paused purposely for effect.

Her arms were folded across her chest, a slight bemused look which even she could not disguise, twinkled mischievously in her eyes, “when I suggested for you to feel free to use the facilities.... _that_ was not quite was I had envisioned.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, it's been nearly, about or just over six months since my last update!  
> Besides real life and the need to be a responsible adult doing important adult things *yuck* I was struck down with a terrible case of Writer's block or in my case - Doodler's block...as you guys know, I'm mediocre at best.
> 
> Various thanks goes to @DefyingNormalcy & JoansDiary for the constant support and regular kick up the ass.
> 
> Please note that it's nearly two in the morning and despite (not one) but TWO proofreads, there's potentially some spelling/grammar mistakes to which I do try to correct and once uploaded do try to correct these. 
> 
> Kudos would greatly be appreciated as this chapter alone nearly made me abandon this fic but alas I have finally done it....*Fingers crossed* the next few chapters WILL contain smut, something that I'm a bit apprehensive about so have some patience.
> 
> Anyways, read & enjoy x

 

 

“Well, well, well.”

 

 _Her_ sudden and unexpected announcement, voice dripping with sarcasm shattered the silence and privacy which Vera had become accustomed to and caused her to sit bolt upright in the king sized bed with wide eyes, filled with a mixture of dissipating lust, shock and utter embarrassment.

She had not expected to see Joan, at least not for another couple of hours...unless the seminar had concluded earlier than originally planned this caused her chest to tighten, paralysing her limbs with fear at the prospect of Joan potentially walking in and witnessing Vera at her most vulnerable and in her bed nonetheless.

A dull ache formed in the centre of her chest as she wrestled to maintain the rampant thoughts which conjured various scenarios, these increased her growing paranoia and as she glanced shyly at Joan, she waited.

There could be no doubt that this was it! Joan would remain calm but Vera knew the Governor, familiar with her tone of voice, she _had_ disappointed her and would be likely ordered to leave her hotel room. As for their ‘arrangement’, that would be terminated immediately and then the only thing left would be work. They would be forced to continue to work together, awkwardly as Governor and Deputy Governor which would undoubtedly result in Vera making the hardest decision of her career....to hand in her letter of resignation or volunteer to be transferred to another facility.

 

The audacity of her actions began to sink in as well as the consequences, weighing heavily on her mind, pulling Vera down, nearing an abyss within her own mind, as a combination of dread, shame and mortification further fuelled the dull ache in her chest causing it to increase with each steady heartbeat.

Her normally tanned skin now suddenly felt incredibly warm, turning pink in certain areas, her ears felt as though on fire, pulsating violently as the prickling heat descending down her neck and cheeks. This was how she had repaid Joan, she had offered Vera the use of the facilities of her hotel suite in gesture as a thank you for personally hand delivering the documents needed for the seminar.

They both maintained eye contact, unblinking and unrelenting, staring at each other.

Vera’s fingers naturally fidgeted with the corner of the duvet nervously, she watched silently as Joan strolled closer towards the bed, towards her with such majestically ease.

Her head tilted to the side, intrigued by the tiny doll who occupied the bed almost as if she could get lost in the vastness of the enormous bed and the sea of sheets that were entangled around her dainty body. An immaculately sculpted eyebrow rose, reading the body language of the cowering woman before her eyes, trembling as if frightened of her.

Vera felt her eyes water and swiftly looked away, breaking eye contact and did not want to embarrass herself further by breaking down, bubbling and crying in front of Joan.

As Vera broke eye contact, there was a slight twitch of her upper lip as Joan attempted to suppress herself from visibly expressing _any_ signs of emotion. Unbeknown to Vera, a turbulent, internal battle raged. Vera had pushed Joan away physically and now she had did the same only mentally. The rejection was beyond words, it reopened wounds and caused pain, an actual physical pain forcing Joan to look past Vera’s dishevelled appearance, her gaze now transfixed upon the bed with creased, wrinkled sheets, rumpled pillows that lay in complete disarray and the once pristine Egyptian cotton duvet was half tangled around Vera and partially hanging off the bed.

Joan’s nostrils flared, her left hand twitched as she fought to maintain overall control, to retain a calm appearance despite being surrounded by chaos which littered the hotel suite. Crumbs on the glass table with the breakfast tray which had not been collected by the hotel staff, one of the curtains was unevenly pulled closed compared to its counterpart, the bed was in disarray and then there was Vera.

The urge, the overwhelming impulse pulled at her, taunted and begged her to bring order to the ensuing chaos. She wanted to, in that moment, haul Vera out of the bed, to make the bed and ensure that the crisp, tight hospital corners were perfectly displayed and would pass inspection then move onto the luxurious sheet and duvet, to be rid _all_ of the imperfections, to make everything right, to...correct.

Joan took a single step forward; she would make Vera learn, she would teach her a lesson.

Without warning, her hardened stare softened and slowly she shook her head as if trying to dispel those thoughts.

_‘No!’_

She would and could  _not_ allow herself to become all consumed by the compulsive need, despite how conflicted and the gnawing anxiety increased the longer she purposely ignored it.

Instead, she would rise above it!

Then, she realised what was in front of her. Vera, who in her currently predicament, appeared similar to a badly wrapped Christmas present, gift wrapped in the delicately soft duvet which would take minimal effort to unravel said present and reveal all.

Her jaw tightened at the sight of Vera before her...

Vera.

Vera, who sat amongst the disorder, she was the epicentre.

 

Vera shifted uncomfortable under the weight of Joan’s stare causing her small shoulders to slump as if conceding, cowering into submission, a futile attempt to make herself a small target and to somehow avoid _those_ eyes however as Vera moved, the duvet unwillingly began to reveal...

Her pupils dilated, heart rate almost doubled. She felt her mouth salivate at the glimpse of Vera's exposed flesh. Joan felt her jaw clenched painfully, teeth grinding furiously, hoping the gnawing pain that she deserved would distract her, punishing herself for having these thoughts had rattled her down to her very core, her cold concrete foundations and caused her wayward mind to suddenly become curious and imagining what Vera looked like underneath the soft duvet.

Her posture suddenly stiffened, she froze after taking one step closer towards the bed, and the duvet had slipped again and revealed more of Vera’s delectable skin, to be displayed. The sight of a dishevelled Vera and the unknown teasing whether or not she was naked, the soft cotton duvet caressing Vera’s tanned skin had invoked something, slowly stirring the diminished embers of lust and want, deep down in the pit of her stomach.

 _It_ was something that Joan had long since repressed, forced celibacy upon herself, for it was too painful to allow herself to feel or experience anything. It felt like she was betraying Jianna and did not want to forget her one and only love. A tragic love which had been premature extinguished, leaving Joan with a wounded heart, nursing the emotional anguish that sometimes resulted in nightmares since she had been the one to discover Jianna's lifeless body, hanging like a discarded puppet.

A cool wave from the air conditioning created a wave of goose-bumps to ripple over the exposed skin causing Joan’s hand to twitch, the temptation to reach out and trace the intricate pattern teased her, Vera shuddered, elusively avoiding eye contact with Joan.

Suddenly, Vera gasped, realising what had caused her to shudder and snatched the duvet securely around her, attempting to retain what lingering dignity remained and clung onto the duvet with a deathly grip, knuckles white with tension.

Only then did Vera look up towards Joan with wide, watery doe like eyes as if pleading for mercy. Joan’s eyes glistened at the sight of Vera’s awkwardness; her innocence was captivating, ultimately betrayed by her eyes. Vera was neither able to lie nor conceal the truth from her mother or Joan it would seem.

The silence continued, tension palpable; Vera’s heart raced fuelled by the anticipation which was made worse since she was unable to read or predict how Joan might react given _this_ particular situation but one thing was for certain...this could not possibly end well for her.

She continued to fidget incessantly with the material of the sheet, a single lose thread. Vera _had_ to retain some sort of control over her emotions, she _had_ to find the courage to face the unknown consequences as she refused to allow herself to fall victim to another panic attack, already able to feel the unchallenged waves of panic that threatened to completely submerge her.

Vera swallowed nervously, the predatory look of Joan’s dark, unyielding stare caused a whimper to escape her dry throat. Vera’s eyes widened whilst a hand rested against her throat, had that sound come from her?

Joan took another step closer causing Vera to crane her neck, slowly a mischievous smirk appeared.

 

“My, my, my,” the husky, velvet toned voice melted away the mounting tension, “you _certainly_ have been busy, haven’t you, Vera?”

There was a visible, minuscule twitch. A subtle movement as the corner of her lip curled slightly in amusement at Vera’s obviously stunned reaction as she now addressed the elephant in the room.

Suddenly, her demeanour quickly resumed a stoned face expression which was virtually unreadable as Joan thrust her chin upwards to an angle, retaining an air of superiority.

 _‘How is it even possible for this woman to exude this obscene amount of confidence?’_ thought Vera with intrigue

After all, Joan had shed her Governor’s uniform, including the gold crown lapels. She was the embodiment of authority, dressed in pristine, crisp uniform and resided in her natural habitat, her domain. Joan commanded respect so effortlessly however for the next few days whilst attending the mandatory seminar, she would be dressed as a civilian, smart clothing and since she was devoid of her trademark bun _and_ golden crowns that were the very symbol of her authority and status, Vera had foolishly presumed that Joan would have been rendered powerless without the usual props and no longer held any influence whilst in the hotel but Vera realised that she was very, _very_ wrong and this did nothing to alleviate her growing stress levels.

“H-how long...h-have y-you been...” her voice cracked, preventing Vera from finishing her question

Vera, her ever faithful Deputy Governor was very often overlooked by her colleagues but she silently observed from the sidelines, making mental notes and knew more than she cared to let on, as temporary acting Governor, to have thrust upon someone without notice or time to prepare was no easy task but Vera had survived and in return gained valuable experience from this. There had been a handful of occasions where Vera was forced to flex and show her power of authority over some of the inmates who were like overgrown toddlers, testing a parent, in terms of insolence, to see how far they could push the normally timid woman but it was Vera who pushed back, causing the inmates to back down, quickly learning that when push came to shove, the mouse of an officer was capable of drawing blood.

“You mean, how long since I arrived back to _my_ hotel room?” replied Joan, finishing Vera’s query, glancing at her watch for added effect, “not particularly long...although, I was just in time to witness you...” she paused attempting to find the words that would lessen Vera’s embarrassment, “completely fall apart, I see that your confidence has grown.”

“Oh God!” groaned Vera, on the verge of tears and buried her reddened face into her trembling hands, shielding her face from Joan

Her worst fears were confirmed; Joan _had_ in all likelihood heard and witnessed everything!

“I must say, that was quite a display I witnessed,” began Joan, her voice genuine, “whilst I’ve had the pleasure of listening to one blundering power-point presentation after another, here _you_ were...” she paused

Vera felt her throat constrict sharply, her nerves were frazzled and Joan talking about _it._ She shook her head, “No.” Muffled through her fingers

Joan looked away; a painful immobile lump had form in her throat after seeing Vera’s shoulders shake as she cried into her hands. Joan felt a pull as a part of her want to console Vera but truth be told, she did not know what to do. How do you provide comfort and console someone in their time of need when no-one was there for you?

“You do not trust me, do you?” sighed Joan sadly as she sat down on the bed beside Vera, the mattress dipped underneath her weight, “I-I thought that we were a team, that we had an understanding? An arrangement of sorts or maybe I misunderstood...perhaps I pushed, even coerced you...” her voice trailed off

Her crying slowly subsided to only the occasional sniffle. Joan glanced cautiously at Vera, nervously she licked her lips and slowly exhaled, allowing the pent up tension to escape, relaxing her shoulders in the process. Her features were considerably softer; she wanted Vera to feel at ease. She cleared her throat to gain Vera’s attention.

Vera reluctantly revealed her face; trembling hands resumed fidgeting with the duvet, adverting her watery eyes and tear stained face, her features riddled with shame.

“You’re fidgeting,” observed Joan, tilting her head to one side, “your body language would indicate that you’re obviously nervous...or maybe even...afraid.” she paused, her lips trembling, after all she had grown somewhat attached to her dependable Deputy Governor, “dilated pupils, flushed facial features...would suggest that you are experiencing an intense and emotional response, coincidentally, _you_ have acted like this ever since I returned.”

Vera chewed her bottom lip then slowly looked up from her trembling, fidgeting fingers, her chest heaved as though threatening to burst wide open as her heart hammered against her ribs. She remained silent, unable to completely trust herself to speak without her voice breaking and risk more tears breaking from the fragile dam.

“You’re _still_ embarrassed, aren’t you?”

Vera snorted, _‘Talk about stating the obvious!’_ she thought

“I-I...I’m beyond embarrassed! Mortified is probably b-best describes _this!_ I...I c-can’t even b-bring myself...t-t to look at you.” She sniffled

“Oh Vera!” she tutted, “Had I known that you were conducting a practical task...part of your research then I would have excused myself,” she paused yet again, her eyes inspecting Vera, “from the seminar much... _much_ sooner.”

Vera’s head snapped up, her eyes widened as she searched those dark eyes for the truth, “Really?” she breathed, afraid she had misheard, now looking for confirmation of what she had really heard.

Joan remained silent, slowly her head nodded. Vera felt a sudden rush of heat radiating from her face, “I-I...b-b but...y-you...you’ve s-seen...and you’re n-not angry...or d-disappointed?” stuttered Vera in disbelieve

“And what gave you that impression?”

Vera halfheartedly shrugged then sighed, “If...if only you knew my mother...I-I...I’ve never done _anything_ like this before....ever! Then, she opened my mail...a-a book that was part of my research,” she paused, her fingers tightened around the duvet, knuckles white with tension, “She...she destroyed it, tore the pages out...then called me names, s-she...she slapped me.”

Hesitantly, Joan manoeuvred herself closer to Vera. Her arm refused to cooperate, it felt foreign, as though it belonged to someone else, feeling impossibly difficult to move. Her mouth dried, if she could not physically comfort Vera then perhaps she could offer some worldly advice or say something profound but instead she was rendered speechless. Finding it increasingly difficult to form any clear coherent thoughts, struggling to articulate herself only angered her, she was _always_ in control but in this instance, Joan was anything but.

It was one of those rare occasions where Joan cursed herself for being so far removed from her emotions that she was in essence, helpless.

Awkwardly, she reached forward and placed her arm around Vera. Her hand clumsily touched her naked back, it felt warm and soft, her fingers reluctantly unclenched before finally resting against Vera’s waist whilst her index finger traced small circles against her skin.

Joan felt her eyes slowly close, remembering that the gentle, circular motion used to work on calming down Shayne whenever he got too fussy and could not be settled. Jianna would smile sleepily at her.

_“You’re the only one that can get him to sleep.” Whispered Jianna_

It could not or should not be _that_ difficult to provide comfort and support for someone when they are in an obvious state of distress but why was it such a daunting task for Joan to perform, even a small yet sincere gesture especially in Vera’s time of need?

 

* * *

 

Joan did have a strict childhood although she was unable to recall if either parent comforted her. She _did_ remember vividly comforting Jianna whenever she cried or was worried about her newborn son who, she had difficultly bonding with initially and at times she was unable to settle him. Joan cradled Shayne, at first it was awkward, unsure how to safely handle a baby, it was a complete foreign concept to her but given time, she naturally formed a bond with him and appeared she had a natural ability to soothe him meaning her precious Jianna was able to finally get rest.

The last time Joan had held someone, cradled them, holding onto them so tightly that she did not want to be parted, had been the limp, lifeless body of Jianna whom she had discovered, hanging from a steel railing. Jianna had been grieving the loss of her son who had been cruelly and forcibly taken from her and placed into the care system. Jianna was beyond inconsolable and blamed herself. She clutched onto the sleeve of Joan’s uniform, her nails digging into her skin, begging and pleading for Joan to do something, anything. To speak to the Governor or plead with the social worker to make an exception or for Joan to even adopt Shayne, so then Jianna would know that he was in safe hands, cared and loved at least until her release. Jianna was frantic, separated from her son over false allegations and rumours. 

She buried her face into Joan's long sleeved shirt which muffled her heartbreaking sobs, mourning at the reality that she may never reunited with her son.

Joan cradled her head carefully, just as she had done so with Shayne. Her arms wrapped tightly around the dead woman, rocking her back and forth as her panicked screams for help tore her vocal cords. Her chest heaved, eyes wide hoping that this was all a nightmare, that her beloved Jianna had not thought her future was so bleak that she had decided to end it all. The block of the prison was unusually silent. No fellow inmates were slightly curious, no guards came running at the pained screams for assistance. As Joan screamed for help, warm tears erupted and trickled down her face of their own accord, desperately calling for help perhaps if she made enough noise then it would be enough to wake up Jianna, who simply looked as though she was asleep. 

Joan _had_ opened herself up and allowed someone close to her only for it to be viciously and cruelly taken away. The copious amount of Vodka, she drank in the days and weeks of mourning the loss of Jianna was not nearly enough to numb the heartache or even begin to rebuild her heart, instead she built a wall, a solid construct that no-one would dare attempt to penetrate. The wound would not heal, it festered and in the early days of learning Jianna's cause of the death, clutching her file to her chest as she nursed another shot of Vodka, Joan found herself contemplating joining her, after all she had nothing else to live for. In a dark world, Jianna had been a source of light but now even that had been extinguished and the darkness surrounded Joan, consumed her.

She never knew that such a level of pain could exist and vowed, staring at the photography of Jianna, her index finger tracing over her cheek. Closing her eyes to fight back the tears, she remember how soft Jianna's skin felt beneath her fingertips. 

After Jianna, Joan made a promise to herself,  _never_ to let anyone get too close to her, she would deny herself the warmth of someone else's company, refuse to concede to her emotions or to  _any_ basic needs, after all, her father had been right all along and she had been foolish enough to doubt him, to ignore his lingering warning that had been ingrained, branded permanently into her consciousness. 

 _"Emotions lead to mistakes."_  

 

It was from then on, Joan pledged that she would never get involved, she would be cold, unapologetic in order to deter people from attempting to get close. She would  _never_  hurt again nor show _any_ signs of weakness. Joan would _never_  need torely on anyone, she could only ever trust herself.

 

* * *

 

Joan tentatively reached for Vera, there was a notable nervous tremor in her hand. Vera’s breath felt warm and it tickled, creating a wave of goose-bumps, Joan shivered slightly at the sensation whilst her fingertips finally reached up and caressed her cheek, nothing compared to the warmth and softness beneath her hand. Vera watched with fascination, she remained silent as to not disturb Joan. Her swollen eyelids fluttered and slowly closed, her breathing had since calmed down and the only reminisce of Vera's humiliation was her bloodshot eyes and damp cheeks where the tears rolled down her face as she hid herself from Joan.

It was tender, Vera signed contently. A few moments ago, she wished for some higher power, God, perhaps to strike her down so that she would not have to face Joan. She had been conflicted, feeling incredibly embarrassed and ashamed but now she felt safe and accepted as Joan helped by comforting her. This was different, witnessing Joan in a different light, she could get used to this feeling and leaned into the palm of Joan's hand.

Her fingers moved away from Vera's flushed cheek, reaching up she twirled and toyed with a loose tendril of wild hair between her middle and index fingers before tucking the unruly curl behind her ear then her hand resumed its position, cupping the side of Vera's face while her thumb circled her reddened cheek. Joan presumed the area that undoubtedly was where Rita had struck Vera.

 

Vera stifled a yawn, suddenly she felt drained emotionally but did not want Joan to stop what she was doing, it was too relaxing. She inhaled deeply through her nose and in doing so caught the elusive scene of Joan’s subtly worn perfume then exhaled slowly, remembering the breathing exercise that she had learnt from Mathew Fletcher.

The fear, shame and embarrassment had all but dissipated, she would have to thank Joan, but already she had done so much for her. A small smile formed at the corner of her lips and she learned further into Joan.

Vera cleared her throat, “I-I...I keep hearing her, you know...in my head, sometimes in my dreams...always judging me, constantly belittling me. She’d say how disgusting I am, h-h...how abnormal...even calling me perverse.” She stammered 

With Vera’s head tucked under her chin and an index finger creating small calming circles on her back, the steady motion was almost hypnotic. Her arms wrapped somewhat protectively around Vera’s small figure, “One person’s perversion is another’s normality.” Murmured Joan, after listening to Vera’s painful admission, Joan herself could not help but relate to Vera's situation.

 

_“Freak!”_

 

 


End file.
